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IELTS Task 2 : Do You Feel Lonely When You Live In An Apartment?


aniani 20 / 20 13  
Oct 8, 2015   #1
Some people say that living in a high-rise apartment block is a lonely experience because there is no community spirit. Others say that people who live in high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in houses.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


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Several persons believe that an inhabitant will feel lonely if they live in a tall condominium, because there is just a little of togetherness in the society of condominium. Whereas other people believe that the residents of tall flat have better togetherness among the neighborhood than the individuals who live in home. This essay will discuss both points of view.

There is an argument why mankind has much better sense of community to live in the apartments. In my opinion, every management apartment building always offers their prestigious facilities, so the inhabitant will not feel lonely. They can utilize amenities to entertain themselves. For example, an apartment usually provides a fitness center, jogging track, swimming pool, and shopping center. Then, the inhabitants will meet their neighbors and make a community in there. It is workable, because they meet with the same hobby and interest.

In contrast, I do not think that the statements are totally true. There are also some reasons why the citizens feel lonely when they live in an apartment. Firstly, sometimes number of inhabitants were transient renters and they just rent for a year or a half year. So, every residents do not care with their neighbors, because they think they just for a while live in that building. Secondly, the design of rooms in the apartment is closed from each others, so the occupants are difficult to make a conversation or address their neighbors.

To conclude, although some citizens argue that residents who stay in a condominium will not feel lonely, I would say that living in there is a lonely experience and suggest to live in a house, because human beings will feel a togetherness atmosphere in their neighborhood.

EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Oct 8, 2015   #2
Your essay is bold in its presentation of both sides of the argument. However, I think you need to take a side right from the beginning.

will discuss both points...

You are the opinion they are after! So take one more bold step, and give your opinion right from the beginning.

suggest to live in a house...

Why don't you do a whole paragraph on living in houses? You could present the other side of the argument more fully then.

In general, your essay is fine, but needs some attention to structure. Try to include your opinion throughout the body of it, and expand your intro to include your side of the issue.

ef_carol
Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Oct 8, 2015   #3
Hey Anani,

First of all , I think that this essay is quite ok. Simple and straight to the point. Your ideas a simple, but its fine. I believe that if you had more facts and evidence, this essay will be better.

Never use : This essay will discuss both points of view.
A big no no . This sentence will only pull your standard of writing down.

Second ,
you wrote : in my opinion.
You see , if you write that it contradicts with your next point in the next para. Even though you have not done research, simply write : Normally ( in your case ).

Third ,
So every residence don't care about their neighbours.
In a Factual essay , never write a determining phrase without any evidence or supporting details. The point can be criticised.

Last ,
People live for a while in a place not for a while live

Hope i helped
Abraham22 20 / 11 15  
Oct 10, 2015   #4
Several persons Most people believe that an inhabitant will feel lonely if they live in a tall condominium, because there is just a little of togetherness in the society of condominium. WhereasMoreover , other people believe that the residents of tall flat have better togetherness among the neighborhood than the individuals who live in home. This essay will discuss both points of view.

Notes :'
1. It is right if you want to use SEVERAL PERSONS". Yet, it will be better, if you use appropriate word such as SOME/MOST PEOPLE.

2. WHEREAS sentence, sentence / sentence WHEREAS sentence.


This is my suggestion.
These days, high-rise apartments have been spreading around the world. As such, there seems to be a lot of debate how effect gained lives in a flat. While most people believe that an inhabitant will feel lonely if they live in a tall condominium since there is just a little of togetherness in the society of condominium, other people believe that the residents of tall flat have better togetherness among the neighborhood than the people who live in home. I utterly believe that both have merits and dimerits.
Luthfia Dewi 7 / 12 4  
Oct 11, 2015   #5
Hello aniani, I'm Luthfia. Actually, I like your idea, it is simple but acceptable.
First of all, I suggest that any connector between background and thesis statement. For instance: Thus, this essay...
Second, it is better if you corporate the first sentence and second sentence. So, I suggest " in the society of condominium, whereas... "

Firstly, sometimes number of inhabitants wereare . Since in this case you describe in general.


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