Unanswered [30] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


The Feeling Of My Father - The first one optimism was chosen


caroline123 1 / 1  
Oct 18, 2014   #1
The Feeling Of My Father

There were two things I have learned from my father.

The first one was chose optimism.In my memory,my father was a tough person who survived the tough times.He has done lots of job when he was young which made my thought he owned many experienes and stories.When I was a kid,he used to talk to me about some places where he has been to and never forgot to bring me a gift.For example,a model boat made of woods,a necklace a or a bag.Those accessories remained in my collecting box.He taught me that optimistic was not a luxury,it was a necessity.A few years ago,he was dinosed with cardiovascular disease .It got a little harder for him to take medicines everyday at the very beginning.I saw him struggle more and more,but he never complained about his struggle.He just woke up a little earlier and went jogging every morning until he got much better.He was grateful for what he had,my mom,my older brother and me.That`s optimism.

The second one was to be independent.My father was always looked immaculate.He deemed that keep clean and tidy was indispensable to cultivate good habits.Besides,I couldn`t rely on them all the time.I used to clean my room on my own.I felt appreciated that I remained deal with different situations on my own because of what he taught me.If I got into trouble,the most important things I need to do was not asking for his forgiveness.What I was supposed to do was find a solution and fix it until I have learned a lesson from the mess.Only in this way could I grow up.

In a whole,My father was the most important model in my life.I was raised with all I need,love,strong values.That`s a precious gift that only a father could give.
Wowzy 1 / 4 3  
Oct 19, 2014   #2
Meep! Hello! This essay feels quite structured and basic. Try to give specific examples about your dad. What did he survive exactly (Great Depression? WW2? Poor?) Lots of little grammar errors but overall I see a lot of potential in terms of insight if you're willing to put in some work. Also, I don't know the prompt and I'm assuming he's deceased? You didn't make that part clear.

There were two things I have learned from my father. You can find a better way to say this. Assuming your father is dead, "Though my father passed away X years ago, I still live by the lessons he imparted in me..."

The first one was remaining optimistic . In my memory,my father was a tough person who survived the tough times (example).He has done lots of job when he was young which made me thought he owned many experienes and stories. When I was a kid,he used to talk to me about some places he had been tp (where) and never forgot to bring me a gift.For example,a model boat from X,a necklace (from Y) or a bag (from Z).Those accessories remained in my collecting box . (I still treasure these precious momentos...) He taught me that optimistism was not a luxury,it was a necessity.A few years ago,he was diagnosed with cardiovascular disease .It got a little harder for him to take his medicines everyday. at the very beginning. I saw him struggle more and more,but he never complained about his pain .He just woke up a little earlierwould wake up early and went joggingjog every morning until he got muchfelt better.He was grateful for what he had: my mom,my older brother and me.That`s optimism.

The second one was to be independent.My father was always looked immaculate.He deemed that keeping clean and tidy was indispensable to cultivating good habits.Besides,I couldn`t rely on them all the time.I couldn't rely on my parents all the time I used to clean cleaned my room on my own.I felt appreciated that I remained deal with different situations on my own because of what he taught me.I was proud I could deal with different situations on my own (example) If I got into trouble,the most important things I need to do was not asking for his forgiveness.What I was supposed to doIt was find a solution, fix it, and learn a lesson from the my mess .Only in this way could I grow up.

In a whole, My father was the most important model in my life.I was raised with all I need: love and strong values. That`s a precious gift that only a father could give.

Once again, you have a lot of potential to make this a nice heart wrenching essay but you need to be specific and explain how you have applied these values into your life, not just your dad's.


Home / Writing Feedback / The Feeling Of My Father - The first one optimism was chosen
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳