Females participating in parliament - IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Females participating in parliament

The supplied chart demonstrates the percentage of females participating in parliament in 5 European countries over a span of 12 years commencing from 2000.

Overall, it is clear that the proportion of female members of parliament in 5 targeted countries experienced an upward trend, with the figure in Germany almost remained the highest during the timescale.

Looking at the supplied chart more closely, it can be observed from 25 percent in 2000, the proportion of the number of women in France's parliament above 35 underwent a gradual growth to approximately 7 percent at the end of timescale. Similarly, the number of female members of Germany's parliament experienced a slight increase from above 35 percent to about 35 percent in 2012. During the same period, an upward trend can be seen in the figure for female members of Italy's parliament from nearly 26 percent to above 40 percent throughout the surveyed period. In addition, 2010 marked the year when the number of female members of Italy's parliament became equal to that of Germany's parliament with the figure for about 36 percent.

From a low of merely 5 percent in 2000, there was a near fivefold increase in the percentage of female members in UK's parliament with the figure for about 25 percent at the end of period. From 2004 to 2008, there were more and more English women participating in parliament from 9 percent to about 20 percent, while the data on Belgium growed slowly. A slightly downward trend can be seen in the figure of Belgium. The year 2012 marked the point at which the number of female members of UK's parliament overtook that of Belgium's parliament.

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The 277 word count has created a Task 2 essay rather than a Task 1 report presentation. A task 1 essay should have no more than 200 words in it due to the 20 minute writing time. It would take the exam taker at least 40 minutes to complete this essay during an actual test, meaning he would not have any time left to create his task 2 essay. Keep the task 1 essay short. Do not be overly verbose. Stick to the basics of the report and compare or contrast when needed. This essay overdoes that. The policy for task 1 essays will always be "say more with less words" since the report is supposed to be measurement reference intensive.

Provide a complete outline. Indicate the 5 countries, provide the inclusive timeline reference, do not stop at 12 years with only the starting year indicated. Include the end year reference. The summary overview needs to be completed within at least 2 sentences. The information necessary to meet this requirement was not included in this report.

You made some mistakes in your essay. Let me help correct them :
2nd paragraph, line 2 : remained => remaining
3rd paragraph , line 2: timescale => add an article in front : the timescale
4th paragraph, line 2: period=> the period . (You made mistakes referring to articles a lot!)
4th paragraph, line 3: growed => grew (be careful with irregular verbs !)
4th paragraph, line 4: UK => the UK

I think it may be your typo mistake that in the Overview paragraph, you forgot to shown the particular year after writing from 2000. In addition, I suggest that I should mix the Intro and the Overview together to improve its engagement. Well, I am not really good at writing so I don't comment about your body part.