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Fiction Writing - adventure with an unexpected but happy ending


Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Oct 11, 2015   #1
Hey Everyone , tomorrow I will be having my english checkpoint examination , so i wrote this essay to see how far i have achieved. Anyone have any tips on how to get ideas for fiction writing during exam ? i struggle a lot.

Write a story about an adventure that a small group of young people have, with an unexpected but happy ending. Try to show how the group work together and make it exciting for the reader.

Jodie woke up to a beautiful morning. Wriggling out of her sleeping bag, she unzipped the door of the tent and gazed out at the sun-lit trees and grass. She took a deep breath, it was finally she was able to wake up a fresh, quiet morning. Unlike those back home where honking cars and pollutants rule the morning. The grass's aroma was thick , yet refreshing. Jodie then start a fire to prepare breakfast for her fellow mates, Jim, Jack and Rosaline.

After a whole hearty meal, Jim and Jack decided to explore the forest, aiming to find the specimens for their science experiments. Jodie and Rosaline pack their belongings and followed them. Around an hour walk, the crew decided to have a break, they sat at the spot they chose respective spot and had a talk.

"Aahh! " Jim cried.

Jim yelled as he fell into a depression. It hallow but Jim fell like a sumo wrestler who lost his balance. Jack bursts into laughter while Jodie and Rosaline giggled. Jim felt something paper-ish in his hand but had no idea what was it. " Light please, " asked Jim. Jack shown a torch light, Jim climbed out of the hole and turned to grab a clearer look. All of them falbbergasted. What was in it blew their mind-Hard Cash! Something flickers, Rosalina yelled : "Diamonds! "

"We are rich ! "
Suddenly, Jim felt a blow at his head. "Aahh! " and the lights went off for Jim.

Jim woke up, still aching from the blow. He looked around. His friends were all tied up with zippers. Two men with hug body build were collecting the loot in to their black bags. Commonsense tells Jim that those people weren't here for fun. Quickly, Jim held his hands in a prayer position and thrusts them backwards with full strength. The zippers snapped. He picked up the walking stick from Jodie's backpack. Then delievered a fill blow at the back of the man's head. His partner cursed and pointed a handgun at Jim. Jim froze and lifted his hands high up. A shadow lurked behind the man, Jim grinned. " BANG." The man fell on the earth below.

"You owe me one." Jack said, holding a frying pan in his hand.

Without wasting much time, Jack and Jim freed the girls and they escaped out of the forest. While they were out, Jack ranged the police: " Come now Quick ! Two robbers are hiding in the forest." Without further ado , she ended the call. Each of them went back to their respective homes, Exhausted yet satisfied.

The next day the press showed " Two robber caught by the unknown." Jim and the others smiled.

How much do i get out of 30 marks?
can anyone give suggestions on how to get ideas ?
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 11, 2015   #2
Samuel, this essay will probably score a 15 out of 30. It is just not well developed nor written. Despite the English grammar problems, if you managed to properly set up the background of the story, maybe it would have a chance at a higher score. As it is, the essay seems like you just rushed to put something together in order to submit something. Always remember that any writer takes time to do the following:

1. Character development. Make sure that you develop no more than 3 characters for a short story like this one. The lead character, the supporting character, and the villain. You do not need all these characters to tell an adventure story.

2. Setting. Always describe the setting in such a way that it helps to propel the story forward. So instead of just having the lead character wake up to a beautiful morning, have her awakened by the stillness of the morning. A far cry from the noise that she normally wakes up from. For example;

"Jodie stirred as the sounds of nature came to her ears. She slowly awoke to the sound of birds singing and the wind whistling in and out of the tent. This was a far cry from the hustle and bustle of city living that often awoke her. She did not even miss the sound of honking cars and traffic outside her apartment window as she began to pack her sleeping bag. It was time to start breakfast for the group."

Do you see how the description of the setting helped to propel the story along? That is what you should always aim for.

3. Plot. The basic rule of fiction writing is "Write what you know." That said, you should not be trying to write about an adventure that tries to rival Indiana Jones or Goonies, you are not Steven Spielberg at this point. So just write a simple adventure story based upon your personal experience. Fictionalize it by changing the names of the participants. It could be something as simple as setting up a boy cave among friends at an unused warehouse or something. Just make it simple so that you won't have to struggle to deal with the plot and dialogue.

4. Dialogue. Keep it natural. Your dialogue in this story sound really strained and forced. It does not come across as the natural way that people speak. If you keep the dialogue simple, your story will be easily understood and you will not be afraid to write.

Just keep everything simple and do not try to complicate your story. Just tell a story that you know you can do well. Don't try to be a Hollywood adventure movie. Just have an adventure. Even buying ice cream with friends can be an unforgettable situation. The simpler your story, the better your adventure will be. Keep it close to home. Write about something you have already experienced. That is where good writing originates from.
OP Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Oct 11, 2015   #3
do you have any suggestions / examples ? so i can see how to write ?
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 11, 2015   #4
Here is a sample of a simple adventure story:

The hot September summer was making Sam feel like his home was a toaster oven.Feeling the unbearable heat in his own house, he told his mother that he was going to take a walk to cool himself off.

"Don't stray too far from the house. You can only go as far as the soda shop Don't cross the street." his mother warned him while she cleaned their house. Sam was only 6 years old, there was no way his mother was going to let him cross the street alone to where the public pool was located.

"I won't mom. I'll just buy a popsicle and come straight home." Sam responded as he left the house.

As he approached the soda shop, he saw his friend, Alvin, lying in front of a hole in the sidewalk. He seemed to be reaching for something.

"Hey Alvin! What's up?" He asked while his friend seemed to ignore him. "Alvin?"

"I need a piece of gum." came the unexpected reply.

"What for?"

"There's a dollar in the hole. I want to get it out and buy some ice cream." The boy finally got up from the sidewalk and sat down, looking frustrated.

Sam peered into the hole. "You need more than a stick of gum to get that. You need a really long stick."

"I don't even have a stick of gum!" Alvin cried in frustration.

Sam searched his pockets. "I've got a piece of gum!" he announced triumphantly.

"Still haven't got a stick." Alvin pointed out the obvious.

They sat on the sidewalk feeling worse because of the money they could not get out of the hole.

"We can share a popsicle. I've got enough money to buy one." Sam eagerly suggested.

"I want ice cream!" Alvin bellowed.

A white haired grandfatherly looking man stepped out of the soda shop and approached the boys.

"What's going on here you two?" Mr. Hooper, the soda man asked them.

"There's a dollar in the hole. Alvin wants to get the dollar to buy an ice cream but we can't get it with just a stick of gum. We need a stick to stick the gum on to get the money." Sam explained in one breath.

"Hold on, hold on boys. I can help you out." Mr. Hooper disappeared into the store and came back with an empty balloon stick. "Maybe this can help?"

Alvin grabbed the stick and started chewing on the gum. "Thanks Mr. Hooper! We'll get the money now and go to your shop to buy ice cream."

Five minutes later, the boys were walking out of the soda shop. Each boy had his ice cooler of choice. An orange popsicle for Sam and an ice cream cone for Alvin.

"Man, I never thought buying ice cream could be such an adventure." Alvin told Sam as he tried to lick the ice cream faster than it could melt.

The End.


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