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The figure give information about smoking habits of the UK population by age. (Writing Task 1 IELTS)


ainirere /  
Dec 11, 2015   #1
The chart depicts the population of smoking habits by age in the UK.

It can be observed that overall the majority of British is not a smoker. However, the most of smokers are those who have productive ages as opposed to unproductive ages.

It is noticeable that the greatest numbers of youngsters in Britain are not a smoker, this is shown by the highest percentage in the chart at nearly 65%. Moreover, the ex-smokers are predominated by elderly people (41%) . While the light and heavy smokers are highly in adulthood age 25-34 at 33% and age 45-54 at 14%.

In contrast, the minorities of heavy smokers are youngsters and elderly people, it is presented by the smallest percentage in the chart at nearly 5%. Furthermore, the lowest percentage of light smokers and never smoke people are dominated by elderly people at 10% and 45%. It can be seen as well that the adulthood age 25-34 and 35-44 have the similar percentage at 18% for ex-smoker.



vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 12, 2015   #2
Rere, your essay does not follow the correct format for the Task 1 IELTS Writing Task. The summary overview needs to be comprised of a single paragraph. The introductory paragraph and the rest of the essay paragraphs should contain at least 3 lines of sentences. Let me offer a suggestion as to how this essay could have been better formatted along with some other grammar suggestions :-)

The chart depicts the population of smoking habits by age in the UK. It can be observed that overall OVERALL, the majority of British BRITS ARE NOT SMOKERS is not a smoker . However, the most of smokers are those who have productive ages ARE OLDER IN TERMS OF DEMOGRAPHIC as opposed to unproductive ages TO THE YOUNGER DEMOGRAPHIC.

It is noticeable that the greatest numbers of youngsters in Britain are not a smoker DO NOT SMOKE, this is shown by the highest percentage in the chart at nearly 65%. Moreover, the ex-smokers are predominated by elderly people PREDOMINANTLY OLDER (41%) . While the light and heavy smokers are highly in MOSTLY ADULTS WITHIN THE AGES OF adulthood age 25-34 at 33% and age 45-54 at 14%.

In contrast, the minorities of heavy smokers are youngsters and elderly people, it is AS presented by the smallest percentage in the chart at nearly 5%. Furthermore, the lowest percentage of light smokers and never smoke people PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER SMOKED are dominated by elderly people at 10% and 45%. It can be seen as well that the adulthood ageS OF 25-34 and 35-44 have the A similar percentage at 18% for AN ex-smoker.
hollanda 2 / 5  
Dec 14, 2015   #3
I think it should be the age of ... of aged ...
dreykusuma 4 / 9 3  
Dec 15, 2015   #4
Hi Rere

here are some tips for you to improve your IELTS task 1 writing test.
1. outline for the extreme value in the chart, such as maximum, minimum, the biggest increase, biggest decrease.
2. rather than using exact percentage, you can also say something like: a third, more than half, one every three person.

I believe this would help you
OP ainirere /  
Dec 15, 2015   #5
Hi all, thank you for your corrections.
Hi Vangiespen, I write this essay based on band 9 format. I dont know if in each paragraph should has 3 phrases, because as further as I know the introductory is just paraphrase from the picture explanation, so I supposed it's oke if it not contains 3 phrases, therefore I wrote 1 phrase in this introductory. Moreover for conclusion as well 1 or 2 phrases is enough, you could see that I wrote 2 phrases for the conclusion in the 2nd paragraph.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 15, 2015   #6
Rere, the most basic format for an essay is that it contains at least 3 sentences per paragraph. The reason behind that is that in exams such as the IELTS and TOEFL, the exam taker is expected to prove his complete and total grasp of the English language. This is done through a clear representation of, in the case of IELTS takers, the picture, chart, or graph image provided. A complete summary overview includes an introduction to the discussion (one line), the evidence presented and years covered (one line), and the point of discussion or comparison in the essay (one line). Hence the three line minimum for the introductory sentence.

As for the conclusion, it also requires a minimum 3 sentence content because you are supposed to restate the discussion, offer your understanding of the information once again, and then close the essay. That is the standard format for all essays. However, if you wish to do just a single line sentence, then that is your prerogative.

By the way, a "phrase" is an incomplete sentence. So you did not write a "phrase" you wrote incomplete paragraphs. There is a big difference between the two :-)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Dec 15, 2015   #7
, I write this essay based on band 9 format

Many sample answers do not follow the rule of IELTS essays both task 1 and 2, albeit such samples are claimed to hold IELTS band score with flying colors. Writing an introduction with less than three sentences will have your point deducted. I am confident enough to say so, since such an introductory statement lacks coherence. Let me help you write for the intro;

A breakdown of the population falling into smoking habits according to their ages in the UK is presented in the chart. Overall, more people in the UK never smoke while the brackets of people aged 65-74 have stopped smoking. In any case, 35-54-year-old cohorts are recorded as the heavy smokers, but the converse will appear to be true for 25-34 year-old people .

As you can see, I construct my introduction and overview into a paragraph covered in three sentences. I strongly suggest for EF members to follow this approach as one of the best ways to earn a good score in task 1.
OP ainirere /  
Dec 15, 2015   #8
Hi vangiespen and eddies thank you for your further explanation.
Generally I often see IELTS task 1 contains 3-4 paragraphs, how many paragraph exactly to be a good essay in IELTS Task 1?

Eddies from your introductory sample, I wonder whether OVERALL is shown the conclusion? If yes, then in IELTS Task 1 the conclusion is included in the introductory statement?

can you give me a sample of conclusion?
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 16, 2015   #9
Rere, due to time constraints, you will be lucky to be able to write 5 paragraph essay during the test. The eaminees normally write anywhere from 3-4 paragraphs so that they can leave some time during the test to proof read and revise their response (if necessary). The rule of thumb normally is that 3 paragraphs are acceptable, 4 paragraphs means the essay could be very well written, and 5 paragraphs means the essay is well developed. So the number of paragraphs and sentences per paragraph (no less than 3) depends upon what you are comfortable writing.

There are quite a number of IELTS Writing Task 1 essays posted here. You can read those and learn from the mistakes and advice given to the other students. The concerns you have are normally similar. You will notice that the word "overall" comes as part of the report summary / introduction paragraph. Basically, the strength of your Task 1 writing lies in the way you construct your introduction / summary overview. The rest of the essay is just a restatement of the information provided in the graph with your analysis of the percentages or graphs provided.
OP ainirere /  
Dec 18, 2015   #10
I see. I got new knowledge here, thank you so much vangiespen. I'll look another essays to improve my writing.


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