hi every one this is my second essay in here,i hope you could help me and i do appreciate your feedback.
Nevertheless,i am getting ready for IELTS exam so if you could tell if i am getting better due to my last essay or not?
Financial education should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The topic of add financial education as a course to school's syllabus generates heated debate with proponents maintaining it has
fundamental effects in children future life and help them to live in a better way while opponents including parents argue that it is not schools duty to prepare their children for the future.As far as i am concerned,i find myself aligned with opponents who belive
schools are interfering in their life.i have several reasons to demonstrate that its disadvantages outnumbered the few advantages.here are some:
it is obvious that each course needs it is specific books and tutor. It is,therefore,the responsibility of government to set a side a extra budget for the supply of this courses and train some teachers in order to guide the books for the student.it is getting worse when in some countries such as mine the tuition fee is low and the government is responsible to provide facilities to schools and in the result government may face lack of budget for such meaningless courses.
Another reason to fortify my opinion is that parents find it intrusive that today schools and governments trying to teach their children how to live and how to manage their money.for instance,the way of living in each family is different,While some families like to spend so much money in some stuff,some may would like to act miserly and avoid extra expenses
although they are coming from wealthy family.so,schools have to respect the diversities and their right to prepare their children for the society.
providing other courses is much more rational and has better effects on children life.for example, nowdays most task are being done by computers.therefore,it is essential for each child to know how to work with one.
in conclusion,i do believe that from mention reasons it can deduced that financial education is waste of money and some people find it interfere in their business.Nevertheless,it has few advantage which are not worth to mention.
i use some of my friends expression.
Hei Shahdad! :D
I don't know if you have improved or not, but I can definitely say that you still don't know how to hit the "space" key on your keyboard. Next time take your time to properly separate words.
Your radical approach to this topic is not so strategic, to be honest. There are definitely some advantages that are worth mentioning. Try to always think why something might be implemented. What determined some to come up with the idea of "financial ed"? Well, perhaps some are interested in studying this. Or perhaps they think that they can educate other on a more careful spending to avoid bankruptcy. At the risk of upsetting you, I must say that protesting against a something without having carefully considered the reasons why it has been suggested in the first place might lead some to believe that you are an ignorant.
Also, try to write shorter sentences! You will make less mistakes and the reader will follow you better.
hey amorsca,
my problems that i before i read the subject i have never heard of such a classes. so you get confused,cause sometimes you don't know even how is it working and what is the structures.
i really appreciate your comments i hope i can find a better way to approach next time and also think more strategicly.
I think you should type the essay again, and use amrosca's suggestions. That is the only way to improve. It takes some time, though.
In order to write well, one of the most important things to remember is to capitalize the first word of every sentence.
Let's also use "whether to"...
The topic of whether to add financial education as...
Capitalize the first word:
providing Providing other courses is much more...
Also, practice using the APOSTROPHE. This is an apostrophe '
... rational and has better effects on children's lives.
:-)
