Financing artists from tax payer's money - Ielts

Some people think that government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists (eg. painters, musicians, poets), while some others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion?

Through the progression of time, the issues regarding the government assistance of all kinds of artists have become controversial. Some think supporting artists is essential while others argue that this should not be the most important sector. It is important to maintain a balanced awareness. As a way of doing so, this essay will weigh different two views as well as reveal a personal opinion.

To begin with, no one can deny that it is important to protect cultural legacy of the country, because the young are likely to learn past history from arts that have been inherited for a long period of time. However, should artists be not financed by the government, it may be obviously to see a number of valuable paints and poems become extinctive. This is likely to cause the loss of cultural legacy of the country. Therefore, from this reasoning, it is crucial to support artists.

However, as with any form of implementation, agreements concurrently exist with disagreements. Even though helping artists with financial problems is necessary, there are a lot of sectors that require desperate support from the government. For instance, in developing countries, they are likely to have the lack of access to drinkable water due to undeveloped filtering system. To remedy this situation, the government should pay more attention to this problem than supporting artists. However, this situation can be avoidable by the fact that as of not helping artists, they would lose their jobs. This could obviously lead to the increased rate of unemployment.

Personally, as of financing artists, this could prevent them from losing their jobs as well as help them keep remaining the cultural legacy of the country. However, assisting developing countries that need to improve their environments should not be neglected for the citizens who deserve to obtain better access to safe water or electricity.

Let your content be good, I want to focus on range of your vocabulary.
You should use more various thesauruses in your essay.
Likely = probably = almost certain
However can be replaced by nevertheless, nonetheless, by contrast.
I think u r good at grammar :) However, I am not an examiner so I cant give u a mark.

It is important to maintain a balanced approach.


.... this is too complicated. It is nicer if you concluded your introduction with a clear statement that delivers your opinion to the reader. Your prompt asks for it and better do it in the introduction itself and then take your reader through your desired direction.