Greetings everyone!
I'm new here, and will be in middle school soon, and so I wanted to test out my essay writing skills, and have them picked apart:P. Thank you!
How to Pick the Right Fights
By: Tamzus
Humans have the power to tolerate one another. They have it but many use the power of violence when they are annoyed or angry with something or someone and can take it out on others. They do it to feel strong and powerful. They don't pick the right fights.
Many people believe you should only fight when it's necessary but others fight like savage barbarians pointlessly to show off and try looking cool. Most gangsters who came from bad society fight out of anger and although many of the people you see come from a good house hold, seem like they're trying to act cool, but most of them actually do it out of peer pressure, and maybe some will think they're actually cool because other people are doing. Most gangsters aren't very tolerant so they will probably foul mouth each other and eventually fight. They don't realize that that's not the best way to settle things because of where they grew up and will fight maybe out of anger or to see who the best gangster is.
Should you argue back when beliefs are being challenged or foulmouthed? I think you should if the person holding the claim against it is serious but is arguing pointlessly then maybe you can step in and have a polite argument with him. If the person started foul mouthing and wouldn't listen to reason just tell him he isn't being reasonable and leave because if he doesn't comprehend what you are saying while he actually is listening then why would listen when he is foul mouthing? If the person had a good point you could argue or reason politely out of good sportsmanship because he seems like someone who can respect and is only arguing to learn more. You should argue back also when you someone argues and blames you for something you didn't do you can obviously reason like you would in a court.
Should one step in when strangers are arguing or fighting pointlessly without a reason? I have heard a many people say, "Who cares. You don't know why they are fighting so it's none of your business."
First of all it depends on the circumstances. Three examples are 1. Downtown areas are really big factors because that area attracts violence. 2. The type of clothing because the clothing will show what type of culture the person is into. 3. Look if there are victims and weapons. 1. If it is in a downtown area then call the police and wait for them to arrive to the situation because it is causing lots of problems in the neighborhood. 2. The answer from 1. is the same concluded answer. 3. If there was a person held as a victim and the thugs who were going to murder then you would have to call the police and try to step in, because (as a response to the statement, "it's none of your business") if a person is about to be murdered it's common sense to step in if you can to at least distract (unless they have gun one thing you can do is trick him into conversation) until the police come.
Hence, we can conclude that you should fight or argue when necessary, you can argue when someone is arguing pointlessly you can try to get your points to them, but if they foul mouth you and your beliefs or the topic you arguing about then tell them that they aren't respecting you and leave, if the person is logical discuss with good sportsmanship. You should call the police when there are pointless but really serious fights going in a downtown or uptown area, and when it is a really serious crime like murder then call the police and distract if you can. Thus, regardless of the situation, humans must act responsibly, and this may mean using force to stop a greater negativity from occurring.
It's good to see someone so young struggling to solve such a serious social problem. I like that you have included what we call a "what you can do" section in your essay along with your logical arguments.
Having discussed this very problem with young students who live in the very dangerous areas you mention, I wonder what is your own experience with this subject. Are you writing from experience or speculation? This will be important for the reader to know. You suggest an approach that sounds very reasonable but might or might not work in practice. Do you have any examples you can give from your own life when the way of handling conflict that you suggest did, indeed, defuse a conflict?
Hello,
Thank you very much for the response! I'll be sure to use the advice you provided (i.e. personal experience). In regards to this essay, i've actually never been in a serious situation, although my older brother has. So, some of the points were my attempt of repeating some of his past actions in such situations. I was also informed by an organization known as "Race Against Drugs" (RAD), but I forgot to add references. Thanks again!
-Tamzus-
Your essay suffers from some ambiguity about what you mean by "fights." The title suggests that are you are using the term metaphorically, to discuss the question "when should you stand up for what you believe in?" Many of your examples, though, seem to indicate that you are using the term literally, to mean "physical conflicts."
You essay further suffers from a lack of logical coherence, because you haven't identified the key principles involved in answering your question. Whether you should step in to a physical fight, morally speaking, does not necessarily have anything to do with where it takes place, what the people are wearing, or even if the people involved have weapons. Practically, as you point out, the safest course of action is always to walk away and not get involved. You never really explain why someone should risk their own personal safety for strangers, especially those who seem to be, from the examples you use, criminal scum on both sides.
So, to improve your essay, start by defining what sort of fights you mean, and identifying the moral principles you believe should guide people when they are choosing whether or not to enter into one. Then, and only, then, should you start giving specific examples that demonstrate your points.
