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First essay for TOEFL - What recent news story has affected you the most?


peterwhite 1 / 1  
Oct 9, 2011   #1
"Last Thursday was really sad day in my life. As usual I got up at 8:00 am and I turned on the television but that day was different, the journalist said: "Steve Jobs died with 56 years". When I heard this news I did not believe. Steve Jobs was a perfect CEO, genius in business and he had a visionary view with their products.

All my life I used Apple products: iPad, iMac and MacBook. Steve changed the live of many people with their minimalism and usable products. Most people compare Steve Jobs with a genius like Edison who invented the bulb. He started his company in a garage with a friend, without much money.

Five years ago I watched my favourite speech about life and business, Steve Jobs realized this beautiful speech in Stanford University. He talk about his live, he had a cancer in 2005. Moreover, he explained as he fired from his own company and how returned years later.

Finally, I think that the world lost more than a normal person. After Jobs dead all important persons in the world said beautiful words about Jobs. Rest in peace Steve."

Please, be critical! :)

I have big problems with my writing. I think that I can take a good mark in reading, listening and speaking part...but is possible that i will achieve a low score in writing part :(

If any of you have any interesting links for improve essay for TOEFL exam...THANKS!

richard35568 6 / 14  
Oct 9, 2011   #2
I think toefl essay needs at least 300 words:p
smilectt 4 / 7  
Oct 9, 2011   #3
After jobs dead may should be after jobs' death
OP peterwhite 1 / 1  
Oct 9, 2011   #4
Thanks.

More than 300 or around 300?

Thanks...I cannot write in a hurry. Thanks! :)
richard35568 6 / 14  
Oct 9, 2011   #5
More than 300, around 400 will be better if time permitted:)

u can illustrate more reasons & examples in ur essay btw.
argentum 3 / 9  
Oct 9, 2011   #6
a normal person ---> an ordinary person
all important persons ---> all important people
said beautiful words about Jobs ---> said beautiful words about him
he explained as he fired from his own company ---> he explained how he got fired from his own company
Most people compare Steve Jobs with a genius ---> most people compare him to a genius
Last Thursday was really sad day in my life ---> Last Thursday was really a sad day of my life
Steve Jobs died with 56 years ---> Steve Jobs died at the age of 56

Five years ago I watched my favourite speech about life and business, Steve Jobs realized this beautiful speech in Stanford University ---> I think it's not coherent


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