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'first thing people think about work is salary' - job satisfaction essay

Topic : As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Over the last few decades, environment for work has improved steadily. In addition, most people spend their time at work and job satisfaction is an important part of individual wellbeing.

First of all, as the factor of matter, the first thing people think about work is salary because money is the most important influence in their life. Besides, surroundings are also deserved at work. If the office is dirty or not suitable for work, people working in work place feel uncomfortable and they do not want to work in there. Thirdly, wellbeing for workers in the company is quite important because while they work in the company, they want to improve their life or environment. If the company do not offer to workers, they do not want to work in their company anymore. These are quite important elements for them.

These are truely not considered to the president of company because the president have the power to control workers. If workers want more salary or good environment, they should move their work to other companies. They can require the better environment or salary but the company does not accept their requirement so there are some group to fight company to get better right. Thesedays, most companies of the world have many risks on running so they reduce the workers and replace the workers to other places which are away from their house

Having discussed the above, These elements are quite important to the satisfaction of workers. In addition, these are not totaly supposed to be realistic because the company does not have enough money to give to workers.

This is my practice essay and the topic was found from IELTS cambridge 7 book.
I think sometimes that my essay or point for the topic goes away.
Please give me good advice or suggestion. Thank you for reading my valueless essay.

Over the last few decades, the work environment for work has improved steadily. In addition, most people spend their time at work and job satisfaction is an important part of individual wellbeing.(Try not to put back exact words from the prompt)

I've only corrected your grammatical errors and faulty usage of words. The other problem of your writing is the lack of organization, and yes, you do stray from the point.

If you're going to write an essay, it's helpful if you plan it first. Like so:

Essay Thesis Statement (Main point of your essay): Work satisfaction is important to workers, but many companies don't seem to care about it.

Paragraph 1 (Intro): Put thesis statement here, just in more sophisticated words. Give some points you will include in your essay.

Paragraph 2 (First Point): This paragraph is going to be about why work satisfaction is important to workers. For instance, you said that workers need good salaries and clean environments. Good, then you must say why good salaries and clean environments are important to them. It would be nice if you gave examples too, like "For example, my mother had to quit her job because the workplace was so dirty, she couldn't get any work done."

Paragraph 3 (Second Point): This paragraph is going to be about the companies' lack of care about the workers' situations. Say why companies don't care about workers (e.g. they think workers are expendable). Remember, if you're going to make a claim like this, you're going to need examples, like maybe the nurses' strike in Martinique because the hospitals weren't giving them enough breaks.

Paragraph 4 (Conclusion): Here you're basically putting back your Thesis Statement, but using different words/sentence structure.

Good luck practicing! And don't call your essay valueless. Practice is never valueless.
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