this is supposed to be descriptive, i know there are so many mistakes. plz help.
thanks
It was a drowsy hot afternoon of the sixth summer of my life. I -like every other days of summer- was in my small tent in my room, cooling off. Bored with my toys, I went to kitchen to beg my mom for buying some ice-cream. "Ok." my mom said, "Go grab some money from my wallet. buy a package of milk too and come back soon." she continued. I ran to her purse excitedly. "But" she yelled from kitchen. I froze. "but what?' I thought. "Don't go too far." she warned me. "I won't." I replied, knowing that "too far" didn't mean anything but the other store on the other side of the road -I was not allowed to cross the road by myself. I walked as fast as I could to the closest store, "Hi. Can I have an ice-cream and a small package of milk please?" I asked in the sweetest and most polite voice I could manage. The sale's man looked at me from above his glasses "Milk - I can give u. But ice-cream, we're out of it. sorry." I sighed, and nodded my head. After paying for milk, I walked out of the store, my heart was set on ice cream, and for a six years old ice cream is not something to just let go of .Sun was burning on my neck and the warm breath of summer blew into my hair; they rushed into my face. In a second I had my mind made up; I tightened my feast around my money, I moved the hair back from my face, and started running as fast as I could, stopping every now and then to pick up my flip flop that had came off my foot, but in less than a minute I was there: right by the road side.
The yellow and blue sign of grocery market was right in front of me. The road was as safe as a side walk, no car was passing. I took a deep breath, tightened my toes in my flip flop and ran. Less than a second; I was on the other side. Colorful posters of ice creams were hanged on the door; to me it was like advertisements for heaven, although all those thoughts vanished when I saw the sale's man face. Now without my mom by my side, the salesman looked bigger than other days. While putting my ice cream in the bag he threw a look down at me, his eyes focusing on the bags in my hands. "Did you just by them from there?" he asked, looking at my face and pointing his finger to the other side of the street. I nodded, smiling shyly. "Well, you can always come here for shopping. We have better stuff than them. We have those dinosaur ice creams and fish snacks. You can't find those there." he emphasized on "there" which would be the market on the other side of the street. "Huh? Don't you think so?" he nettled. "Yes sir." I replied, dragging the ice cream's bag from the counter. "Good bye sir." I said. "Good bye kid." mumbled the man. I walked out and didn't wait to go to other side to eat my ice cream.
... and for a six year old ice cream is not something to just let go of. The sun was burning on my neck and the warm breath of summer blew into my hair; they rushed into my face.
...pick up my flip flop that had come off my foot, but in less than a minute I was there: right by the road side.
I took a deep breath, tightened my toes in my flip flops and ran.
Colorful posters of ice creams were hung on the door; to me it was like advertisements for heaven, although all those thoughts vanished when I saw the sale's man face.
A couple more minor things, but Sean's right, this is quite good!
:)
