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IELTS writing task 2: Fixed punishments or the circumstances of an individual crime.


tantadedanaan 6 / 11 11  
Feb 28, 2015   #1
Hi there!

I hope that you can give me some helpful advice and tips regarding my essay writing. I will wholeheartedly accept any thorough assessment and comments to improve my writing skills. Thank you all in advanced.

Questions:
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Essay:
Nowadays, one of the major problems around the world is the increasing crime rate, and people have split opinion on how to address this issue. Some individual believes that there should be standard law for different kinds of crime. On the other hand, others state that the severity of each case and the motivation for doing it should be taken in consideration before giving a punishment. I will discuss and elaborate these two sides more.

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zeina terkawi - / 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #2
well, i really like this sort of issues and i believe that as you have highlighted in your second point of view that each and every person deserves a different sort of punishment depending , of course , on the crime committed , its reasons , and for what sort of motives , and i would like to add that some people may get to jail for their bad doings but on the surface they deserve what have happened to them because they are bad enough and the only way to stop them is to finish their existence once and for all ,that way I some times is misunderstood as somebody evil, but i guess killing is the only solution because our governments don't fix the causes but just the effects and which is the main reason for alot of crimes
OP tantadedanaan 6 / 11 11  
Feb 28, 2015   #3
Hi there!

Thank you so much for your advice and comment about my essay.

Looks like I post my essay in a wrong thread, anyway, please give me some more advice about my writing. I want to know if my arguments are good or if there are any grammatical errors in my essay.
mumtazdinar 12 / 15 12  
Mar 1, 2015   #4
Hi tantadedanaan,

These are my suggestions for your writing:

Nowadays, one of the major problems around the world is the increasing crime rate, and people have split opinion on how to address this issue. Some individual believes(individuals believe) that there should be standard law for(concerning / on / regarding / relating to) different kinds of crime. On the other hand, others state that the severity of each case and the motivation for doing it should be taken in(as) consideration before giving a punishment. I will discuss and elaborate these two sides more.

There are some good advantages of(in) fixed punishment, and one of these is easy and fair justice system. It helps the judge to decide the sentence easier and faster(easier and faster sentences) because of the availability of standardized policies. Furthermore, every citizen will receives(receive) equal trial whatever their social status in life. In my point of view, I considered this as potent law, especially if the criminal involves isdouble verb an influential person (re-write this sentence). Moreover, it will also serves as(serve to) an effective deterrent for potential offender by instilling fear in their mind, thus lessening the crime incidence in the society.

Nevertheless, other people argue that the circumstances of each case should be taken in(with) account first before giving a proper response. It is a more humane process where the legal officials can conclude depending on the criminal's conduct. In reality, individuals sometimes are forced to commit a certain(certain) misconduct due to poor living conditions or as an act of self protectionself-protection . For example, a man who steals money to buy foods for his starving family should receives different penalty(should receiving a different penalty) compared to(with) a repeat offender. Hence, the guilty person has to suffer more for their wrongdoing.

Overall, both views have an equal benefits to restore peace in the community, but I believe that it is better to review the circumstances of each crime before implementing a sanction against it.

Good Luck...


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