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IELTS TASK 2: Fixed or variable punishment for crimes


gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jul 2, 2013   #1
Hi Guys. Once again I will be needing you kind advice with this piece I made.Thanks.

TASK:
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.Others,however,argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for commiting it,should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.


Concerns about reviewing crimes and their corresponding penalties have been numerously raised in the civil society. Many stand to the theory that crimes should receive the same degree of punishment regardless of situation and intention. Both views of individuals in favor and against this theory will be discussed.

People in favor of equal punishment claimed that justice is best served when no considerations are taken in to account. Moreover, if crimes were viewed in a flat perspective, potential crimes would be reduced since individuals will be aware that the chances of being acquitted will be low. Thus, through equal punishment it is believed that society would be more safe and secure.

However, many are also against this theory. It is without a doubt that humans are gifted with wisdom for the purpose of seeking justice and truth. This is what separates humanity from computers: why would you judge a crime logically when you can do it rationally? A perfect example of this is euthanasia or otherwise called as mercy-killing. Logically, the act of killing a person itself is a crime. But the act of releasing a victim from his endless suffering is considered a good deed. Thus, the killer with a motive of helping does not deserve to receive the same amount of punishment as normal killers do.

In my opinion, it is more human to carefully review the circumstances of the violation being done. In addition, the type of punishment should be variable depending to the degree of crime.

subinjp 2 / 2  
Jul 3, 2013   #2
1.A decent start for you essay.
2.chances of being acquitted will be low.
here more suitable chances of getting punishment is high.
3.This is what separate humanity
4.However, many are also against this theory.
It is not good usage.
some people are also against this theory.
OP gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jul 3, 2013   #3
thanks subinjp. i will take note of that
Shumaila86 11 / 31 9  
Jul 3, 2013   #4
hello! a fine attempt no doubt, but here are some suggestions. First of all I could not understand the idea about second opinion. it is because the example you gave is such a rare situation. there are a lot of reasons: people kill each other for money, love, even out of jealousy. but killing for mercy is done only once in a blue moon.

why would you judge a crime logically when you can do it rationally?

try to avoid such expressions: make it a statement rather.

t humans are gifted

human is gifted with

more safe and secure.

safer and secure

f crimes were viewed in a flat perspective, potential crimes would be reduced since individuals will be aware that the chances of being acquitted will be low.

try to rephrase because different parts are not supporting each other according to the tense: you use three tenses in one sentence( were, would be, will be)

t is more human to carefully review

it is better to review
bein 3 / 10 3  
Jul 3, 2013   #5
People in favor of equal punishment claimed

i think you should use 'claim' (simple present tense)

taken in to account

into

through equal punishment it is believed that society would be more safe and secure.

i think you should change the way to express this idea

for the purpose of

with the purpose of

This is what separates humanity from computers:

It separates...

A perfect example

A prime example

is considered a good deed.

is considered as a good

In my opinion, it is more human

I think you should add a conclusion transition signal such as To conclude, In conclusion...
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Jul 3, 2013   #6
Many stand to the theory that crimes should receive the same degree of punishment regardless of situation and intention. Both views of individuals in favor and against this theory will be discussed.

... you have mentioned only one side of the argument and not said the other view

People in favor of equalfixed punishment claimedclaim that justice is best served when no considerations are taken in to account.

.... you better keep this in present tense.

Moreover, if crimes wereare viewed infrom a flatgeneral and standardized perspective, potential crimes would be reduced sincebecause individuals will beare aware thatof the chances of being acquitted will be low.

Provide a specific example for each reason in your body paragraphs.
OP gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jul 8, 2013   #7
thanks everyone for the feedback. I will try to address the areas you highlighted.


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