My essay is on affirmative action. It includes many reasons for it as well as concessions. My concessions are placed in an odd place, after the first reason which is equality. After I am done with my concessions, I have four other reasons to explain but I don't know how to introduce that and keep my flow. I've tried a paragraph, which you'll see, but my topic sentence has to be closely related to my concluding sentence- basically a restated version. You'll see the problem. I'll post three paragraphs of my essay, the one preceding the mentioned introduction and the one before it:
-Finally, the most major debated controversy is that affirmative action is unconstitutional. Whilst the constitution does prohibit discrimination, affirmative action is not for the reasons elucidated beforehand, the main reason being it does not foster disadvantage nor disparage other racial groups (Malamud, Abraham, and Sullivan 56). Though affirmative action protests and Supreme Court decisions have declined its legality in places where it's most effective, this does show that the highest courts have judicially reviewed it and- knowing that judicial review serves singularly to find an act in both meanings "unconstitutional"- and the peak of the Court's objection was to apply "strict scrutiny", then affirmative action is not unconstitutional by the official auditors of the country.
-Thereupon, ensuing the delineation of the original need for affirmative action for equality and, conjunctively, having extensively glossed and disputed the motives for which affirmative action has been wholly misunderstood, it is appropriate to return to the primary reasons as to the necessity of affirmative action, the most upheld being diversity. Many refer to Americas as a 'melting pot" but demographics vary from place to place and a great deal are disproportionately prorated race-wise.
-It is perhaps of the utmost importance to establish that diversity will not occur on its own (Shaw and Lee). The 2000 census shows that only around 15% of White students attend multiracial schools (Shaw and Lee). Correspondingly, almost half of Black and Hispanic students go to schools where at least three-fourths of students share the same socioeconomic state- poverty (Shaw and Lee). Michigan lawyer, George Washington, said frankly, that schools will continue to become more White if affirmative action is completely abolished, he himself living in a state where the instruments of affirmative action have been banned (Woodhouse).
1. "most major debated" sounds awkward, maybe most majorly debated or replace it with something else.
2. Overall, there are many parts of your essay that are worded strangely and therefore hard to understand.
3. In your last paragraph try not to keep stating sources one after another. There should be a sentence of your own to connect these ideas so it doesn't sound so choppy.
