Wahyu, I like the way you push your effort in making the essay as organized as possible by addressing every sentence carefully. However, while you were focusing on maintaining the order of each sentence, you accidentally forgot to pay more attention on your Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar. These three parts are essential in IELTS writing. Even though Task Response is crucial in writing, please be more aware of other assessment criteria of the essay. Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical, coherence and cohesion problems, with corrections applied.
too afraid to look at around due to a panicky criminal
too afraid to look around due to (a panicky criminal? the the crime offenders are panicked? or the people? I think this sentence is ambiguous)
How about this?
Some folk are too afraid to look around, because the crime rate is increasing at the moment.of criminality, even though
from criminals even though
(remember if 'even though' is in the middle of the sentence, no comma is needed)
by collaboration both of people and institutions.
by collaborating both people and institutions. (gerund)
some people believe that we could do to reduce the criminal rate since the major point which is metal of the humans.
it is true that you put a sentence with more than one clause, but pay attention more on the meaning, it should be whether it yields the meaning correctly as you expect or not?
For me, the sentence which still make sense is only up to this part:
Some people believe that we can do a preventive action to reduce the criminal levels towards certain significant point.applying the criminality
apply is not the correct collocation for crime. 'committing the crime' is the correct one.
As a result that although
As a result, although (after 'as a result', you have to put comma)
although we have supported to reduce the terror by using many mechanisms, it could not be significantly result when we do not change the criminal mindset.
Why did you use present perfect here? and past form of modal auxiliaries? supported who?
consider this one:
although we support the act of preventing the crime by harnessing many mechanisms, the results are not significant if we do not alter the criminals mindset.
going to be harmfully when we miss understanding to detect
going to be harmful if we misunderstanding in figuring out the main problem.
As you can see, I left the last two paragraph to be corrected by others. I hope my feedback will be valuable in your writing development.
Keep struggling mate!