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Toefl Essay- Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have?

Katthew Kim 6 / 12 6  
Aug 8, 2017   #1
Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have?

- smart
- cheerful
- considerate

Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.

choosing a best friend

Some people think that smart friends are able to give us a valuable advice for our life, and other people also regard a cheerful friend as a motivator for us. However, I personally prefer considerate friends rather than other friends who are smart or cheerful. These are the main reasons why I have a preference to considerate peers.

To begin with, considerate friends always try to listen to my stories, which makes me feel comfortable to be along with friends. For instance, I sometimes am under pressure about assignments in my campus and have a conflict with others. At that time, I really want to share my concerns and wish someone to carefully pay attention to what I worry. Fortunately, my generous friends are happy to share their time to take care of my concern by kindly talking with me, which eventually leads me to relieve my stress. Although they did not give any comment or advice, that is enough for me just to keep their attention to my stories, which gives me huge condolence.

Next, considerate friends deeply impress me a lot with their kindness. When I got a bad cold, I felt warm from my friend who voluntarily took care of me although he was supposed to take a significant exam. Whenever I am sick, there is no way except having enough resting time by myself to feel better since my family cannot come to my university which is pretty distant. Not only did cold but also loneliness tortured me a lot. At that time, a friend of mine came to my house with some food and spent his time with me even if he is very busy for his supposed examination. I got impressed by his considerate action and still appreciate it.

To wrap up, I prefer considerate friends rather than other types of friends based on my own experiences. In other words, their ability to listen carefully helps me feel better when I was stuck by some problems. Also, their considerate care was a great comfort to me while I got a sick. This is why I like considerate friends among other three types of friends.
SFTBNWH11 3 / 4 5  
Aug 8, 2017   #2
Dear Mattew,

First of all, your essay lacked a really important element to its coherence which is an introduction. However, you wrote one, yet, it lacks some components. For instance, in your overview paragraph, you gave your opinion on which type of friends you prefer like you are supposed to, however, you did not provide a cohesive overview to what are you going to discuss in the rest of your essay. Basically, you ought to start with something similar to this: "Friendships are a fundamental part in our lives. Being surrounded by a creative, caring and trustworthy group of friends, that supports you through thick and thin, is actually beneficial to our mental and psychological well-being ". A 1 to 2 sentence long overview plus what you have already wrote in your introduction would make it wholly complete.

Second of all, when you are working on your arguments, you need to make sure to make the difference between an example and an argument. An example's main aim is to reinforce the ideas you present in each of you arguments. Thus, basically, you can start off by explaining the characteristics of a considerate friend in general which leads you to speak about yourself and your own friends in particular. I hope you get what I mean. an example can be first or at last in an argumentative strategy, but, he cannot replace the argument. Also, "Next" is rather inappropriate to use at the start of your paragraph. Avoid it. You can use : "First of all", "Firstly" or simply "Basically" or "Well".

Finally, here are a few corrections to couple of your grammar and spelling mistakes;
* ...pay attention to what I worry. --> You can either say "to what I am worrying about" [That is kind of heavy to use here] or simply say "...to my worries".

* ...to share their time --> "..to spend some time"

Now, try to write more and You will eventually get better.
P.S: I will be passing the TOEFL this December myself.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,524 3442  
Aug 8, 2017   #3
Matthew, work on developing your essay outline in the opening statement. It is really very confusing to read because it doesn't tell me what the original prompt was about. You launched into a thorough discussion of facts in your first paragraph when what is expected of that paragraph is a simple outline presentation composed of 3 sentences. The first sentence repeats, in your own words, what the topic for discussion is. The second sentence, delivers the discussion type, and the last sentence, states your response to the question. I did not see any of these represented in your current essay.

The second paragraph does not smoothly transition into a comparison discussion, if that is what you were aiming for, in relation to having a considerate and a generous friend. Try not to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph so that you can more accurately develop your GRA representation of simple to complex sentences. Give each type of friend a specific paragraph. Use a compare and contrast discussion mode if you feel that would best allow you to discuss your reasons. There is no specific way of writing this essay. The reviewer actually wants to find out how you would do your presentation so don't be afraid to use a different presentation from the usual. Provided it applies to the discussion.

The concluding paragraph is pretty good. It was solid in its rephrasing of the original prompt, did not any new ideas and instead, summarized the discussion in an accurate manner, and closed the essay on a strong note. Good job! You still make mistakes in your essay development but I am sure that you will continue to improve over time. I look forward to reading your next essay.
OP Katthew Kim 6 / 12 6  
Aug 10, 2017   #4
Thanks all for your great comments.
I will reflect your advice to my essay soon :)

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