Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


[Task 1] The following tables show the average age of students at a college.


Sherk 4 / 7 2  
Dec 27, 2018   #1

correlation of certificate and diploma with student's age



A glance at the table provided reveals a number of the average age of students at a college is different between the certificate and diploma.

Out of the five ages, the highest percentage on certificate and diploma belongs to the student's age from 15 to 25 and from 25 to 35 respectively. Furthermore, the age of both proportions have the lowest percentage is 45 and over.

Regarding in the table, the percentage of students have aged from 15 to 25 with certificate education is scrutiny higher than other on the same proportion compared to the diploma, simultaneously, diploma education has highest from 25 to 35 than others its level( 79% and 62% respectively). Both the certificate and diploma have fluctuated between 17% and 18%.

In terms of the certificate, the percentage of student's age from 35 to 45 is 1% on this as opposed to exactly 2% at 45 and over. On the other hand, the diploma has massive rate fluctuation between 35 to 45 and more than 45 age group of students at a college(20% and 1% respectively). (179 words)

I really appreciate with all your help!
Please, I would love to if you dedicate to show me what my mistakes about the idea, grammar, linking words are.
Best regards.



sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Dec 28, 2018   #2
Hi. Your introduction has a grammar problem: "a number of ... college is different between with regard to ..."

You should not use parentheses in the IELTS writing, only commas and points are allowed to use, I highly recommend use relatives or non-relative clauses instead.

And mistakes :
Regarding in to the table
scrutiny higher? What do you want to articulate here? It makes no sense to me because scrutiny is a noun form, plus its meaning is carefully examining/observing something (You can find out more the meaning in the Oxford dictionary, I just simply gave you a glimpse definition of this word to make you more clear with it). Delete the word scrutiny is my suggestion.
OP Sherk 4 / 7 2  
Dec 28, 2018   #3
Thank you so much, that helps me a lot, I really appreciate that.


Home / Writing Feedback / [Task 1] The following tables show the average age of students at a college.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳