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Food has become easier to prepare now , do you agree or not?


tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 9, 2009   #1
Please read through this essay and give me your comments.

Thanks,

Tuan.

Topic 3 EX: Nowadays food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In modern life, people must work very hard to get a good job and to achieve a higher position in their company or their organization. They don't have enough time to prepare complex, traditional meals everyday. The way to prepare meals becomes simpler, quicker and easier. This change brings a better life for busy people.

People have more time to work when they only use a little bit time to prepare food. People can not spend much time on the meal preparation, if they must work at least eight hours per day. In Vietnam, officers often work from forty to forty four hours per week, so they don't have time to make the meal. They often have lunch at restaurant and have simple dinner at home. If they want to make the life more interesting, they will organize some small events in the weekends.

In addition, women are released from their household working. Normally, women are responsible for the meals preparation. They spend less time to make meals depend on kitchen machines as well as the way to cook is simpler and easier. It means that they have opportunity to do more important things for their career. Really, nowadays women have more successful, they play important role in many big companies and corporations.

Finally, young people have more time to enjoy the time. In stead of spending more time for meals, they can use their time to do social activities, to go to the cinema, to read interesting books, to play sports. When people can do what they prefer, they will feel happy. Indeed, they have a more plentiful and better life than the previous generations.

To summarize, people simplify the way to prepare food so that they can have more time for other activities. They can do more useful and more interesting things, it improves their life.

dens420 1 / 6  
Oct 9, 2009   #2
nice but you have a few grammar errors
orlando 13 / 94  
Oct 9, 2009   #3
In modern life, people must work very hard to get a good job and to achieve a higher position in their company or their organization.

achieve higher position did not seem right to me. You can say ' reach higher position ' instead.

nowadays women have more successful, they play important role in many big companies and corporations.

I think you mean 'women has become' or 'women are'.

In stead

Instead ?

People have more time to work when they only use a little bit time to prepare food. People can not spend much time on the meal preparation, if they must work at least eight hours per day.

These 2 sentences will flow better if you avoid starting 2nd sentece with the same subject.

I am assuming this is for IELTS exam. I think you did a good job in content. In my opinion, to get a higher grade than 6 you should be more creative expanding your main arguments.

I know it is not as easy as it looks coz I am in the process of improving my writing skills as well.

I hope it helps. Good luck
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 9, 2009   #4
i think that yours is quite good,remember that thesis is :Has this change improved the way people live? you have just refer to busy life. what about others? sure, there is no doubt that this change is good for busy people.
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 9, 2009   #5
We normally 'advance to' a higher position.

There are many errors in grammar. This slows the reading. Try to fix these.

Also, the ideas are ok, but they are not anything anyone doesn't already know. Try a different approach, like both partners sharing the cooking job rather than just one of them doing it every time. This fits in with a 2-earner household and is more common than you might think.
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 12, 2009   #6
Hi,

@Stephen: It's very nice if you can list grammar errors in my essay. With my English skill, I can't find out them, but you do.

Thanks all for helping me,

Tuan.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 12, 2009   #7
Well, here's a few fixes for you:

"The way to Preparing meals becomes simpler, quicker, and easier. This change brings a better makes life more convenient for busy people."

"People can not spend much time on the meal preparation"

Hmmm . . . part of the problem is just that you're working in a second language. Time may be the only cure, here. That, and reading a lot. For instance:

"In addition, women are released from their household working."

Grammatically, there isn't much wrong with that. I guess you could use "work" instead of "working"

"In addition, women are released from their household work."

But this doesn't really solve the main problem, which has to do with both cultural content and diction. First, you are implying that women are the only ones to cook and do household work. You go on to explain what you mean, which is perfectly PC, but the sentence itself is jarring when first read. Beyond that, the diction itself is just off. After all, easy to prepare food doesn't free a housewife from all of her household work, so the sentence is inaccurate. It would be more natural and accurate to say "This frees women from one of their household chores," or some such, which still doesn't work with the implications, but at least sounds right.
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 13, 2009   #8
Thanks for your suggestions, Sean!

Reading a lot will help me improve my writing skill. Sometimes, I read newspapers (CNN or New York Times), but I cann't understand sentence structures as well as meaning. So I cann't re-use those structures.

In Vietnam, there are several English newspapers; however, writing styles of them are very different from ones of newspapers in US or UK.

Can you please give me some tips so that I can imitate writing style of native English speaking people?

Thanks again,
orlando 13 / 94  
Oct 13, 2009   #9
I recommend you to write those sentences down and try to figure out what the meaning is. You should keep doing this for each structure you are not familiar with. And then you can start making different sentences using those structures till you get used to it. It will take time but I think it is a good way to learn it efficiently.

Good luck
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 13, 2009   #10
I cann't understand sentence structures as well as meaning. So I cann't re-use those structures.

Could you post an example or two here of the sorts of sentences you have trouble with? That would make it much easier to advise you.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 16, 2009   #11
hi tuan, recently, i have not seen any your essays posted. i have posted several essays, could u help me check them.any way, thanks so much
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 17, 2009   #12
Hi Thinh,

I'm rather busy with my job so that I don't have enough time to write essay as well as to post comments. I will find one of your essays to read & give you my opinion.

Have a nice weekend,
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 20, 2009   #13
Hi Sean,

I've just met a structure that I don't understand. Would you please explain it for me! I quote it from the Barron writing book.

"The lecturer has a contradictory viewpoint, discussing evidence that girls are better students than boys"

Why can "dicussing" lie on that position? I know the subject of this gerund is "the lecturer", but they are far from each other.

Thanks,

Tuan.


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