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Nowadays the football supporters behave violently. What is the cause? How can we solve it?

kimk 1 / -  
Jul 27, 2020   #1

football hooliganism issue

It is true that violent behaviour between supporters are frequently occured in football march. While there are several reasons which can be put forward to explain this change, in this essay, I will suggest some possible solution to this issue.

There are two obvious reasons why football hooliganism become a phenomenon, Firstly, a win-at-all-cost attitude make a significant impact on people's thought and behaviors. Football is no longer a leisure activities for people to relieve stress, it becomes an intense competition among the supporters. Therefore, taking football too seriously can result in violent behaviors. Secondly, some big tournaments happened around the world can become an ideal place for hooliganism since football team represents the whole country to take part in. Furthermore, misunderstanding throughout the march can lead to confusion and angriness between people.

However, there are a number of solutions to deal with this problem. Firstly, the authority of the contest can hire a great deal of securities in order to maintain the peaceful atmosphere during the march. If there are any wrongdoings happen, these people can immediately take control of the situation. Secondly, families and schools should deliver the right messages for students about sport attitude in their upbringing, as playing sport is act as a cause to hooliganism, but is a tool to create an ideal environment for people to strengthen their relationship and improve their health.

In conclusion, although violent behaviours is a problem in football marchs, there are a lot of viable solution to address this issue.
Bettie Orion 3 / 11  
Jul 27, 2020   #2
Hi! I have some suggestions for you. Hope this helps:
+ violent behaviours between among supporters are frequently occurs in football march
+ can hire a great deal of securities => '"a great deal of" is used for uncountable noun only. You should try other phrase like: many/ plenty of

+ in order to maintain the a peaceful atmosphere ...
+ in football marches
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Jul 27, 2020   #3
Since you are not being asked to determine the validity of the given discussion, you do not need to reiterate what you deem to be the truth of the matter. Instead, you should simply restate the topic without offering any personal opinion. Your personal opinion was not required in the restatement so it is not necessary for you to deliver one. Your discussion outline section is also useless as it does not offer direct responses to the given discussion questions. Without the direct responses, your paraphrasing is actually incomplete. When a direct question is asked, offer a direct response in the paraphrase. That is how that paragraph is expected to be formatted in response form.

Only one cause is required in the essay. so you do not need to provide 2 reasons. Always stick to the discussion instruction. Offering a second reason when none is required forced your paragraph to be under presented in terms of a clear explanation and valid reasoning. The paragraph has become under developed in terms of overall scoring considerations. The same goes for your solution paragraph.

Your conclusion must summarize the previous discussion points in 3-5 sentences. You are not really delivering the summary requirements for the conclusion with this presentation.

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