Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Forcing the Unpaid Community Service in High Schools (TASK 2)

Ali20 7 / 13 2  
Oct 16, 2019   #1
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children)

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

unpaid social service as a part of mandatory program in the school

Giving an opportunity for pupils studying in secondary school to do unpaid social service is supported of some to apply as part of mandatory program in the school. In my point of view, I totally agree with the notion as it has it will enhance student's understanding about social surrounding and the will obtain job experience.

To begin with, some of educational experts argue that the aim of education is to improve the quality of social life. Moreover, setting up social charity as the part of compulsory curriculum will elevate student's perspectives about the social life. Then, comprehensive assimilation of students can make synthesis with the relevant theories which they had been studied to deal with social problems. Taking for example, a massive number of agricultural students in Indonesia held voluntary project in rural area to help farmers for accelerate their fields and teach them about the way to sell the products on social platform.

Secondly, today many of prominent companies need job experiences prior to joining. In contrast, only a minority of students who have it. Then, integrating between academic life with social project will give students job impressions. Example, I had friend who studied in accounting did social internship in cooperative business organization, he helped the members to measure cash flow and managed workers payments. Fortunately, after graduated from university he was directly hired by startup company in my town

To conclude, involving students to unpaid community service has huge benefits. First, students can know properly about the real of social condition and they can get working experience.

ng864 4 / 6 3  
Oct 16, 2019   #2
do unpaid social ...
This part is confusing. Do you mean that "unpaid social service is supported by some rather than of some?
it will enhance ... and the will obtain job experience.
"about social surrounding" also sounds confusing to me. I think surroundings would sound better, or another phrase altogether.
You also used the instead of they.
... held voluntary project in rural area ...

I would suggest saying "a" voluntary project rather than just "voluntary project" by itself, and "a" rural area or rural areas if multiple areas were involved.

... minority of students who have it.
I think the "who" here is unnecessary.
Fortunately, after graduated from ...
It should be "after graduating" rather than "after graduated"

Hope this helped.

Home / Writing Feedback / Forcing the Unpaid Community Service in High Schools (TASK 2)