Hi liliy, I would like give some comments and suggestions for your essay:
over recent years all parents believe that a foreign language should be mastered by children since in the earliest level of their education
I think that this sentence is not easy to follow. What is more, you should make "present perfect" in this sentence as you use signal time "over recent years". Thus, I suggest you to rewrite such a sentence.
children has different abilities
Subject + Verb Agreement
to learn foreign language
is not collocate with abilities, you should use appropriate preposition here; "on"
has more benefits for children later development
this sentence is bad flow as you cannot build your subject based on you noun of preposition.
have positive effect for children
1. ) you need an article here, or you can probably make it plural. => a positive effect of positive effects
2. ) "on" is not appropriate with effect, you should put a preposition "on" after the noun.
what you mean? do you mean it is multilingualism ? I suggest you to make sure your vocabularies when you want to use uncommon words. It is because we do not probably know yet how to use these vocabularies appropriately. Therefore, you should find the words in the reading passages first if you want to use them.
problem for young people
it hsould be problem of
Taking students who are learned Mandarin
I think you should read and correct your essay first before you upload. because of a great number of rudimentary grasps, you should make your sentences clearer to be read. I suggest you to change this sentence become an active sentence.You should have a fully grasp as to how to use adjective clause "subject correctly"
largest population in
ith should be the largest population of
There are many grammatical errors here,so I suggest you to deal with the problems first.
let me know when you finish it.Then, I am pleased to discuss about your flows and ideas.
KEEP STUDY, KEEP SPIRIT.