Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Formal Education for 4 Years Old Children - is it too soon?


daya93 4 / 6 1  
Sep 5, 2016   #1
It is an inevitable situation that formal education now become such an urge during children's grow up stage. Many people think that parents should be as soon as possible to sent their children into school, while other said that there is no need to force children attend formal education until seven or eight years old. This essay will cover those both point of views and decided what system should be a better alternative for children.

People who stand in argument that children should enter formal education earlier believe that formal education is important to give more learning experiences. When children start their kindergarten stage at four years old, they can be taught by professional teacher and system. Children also learn to survive in new social environment and have interaction with their peers. Earlier formal education such as playgroup or kindergarten will prepare children to settle in study activities routine before they are ready for elementary school.

On the contrary, there are people who believe that children are better to follow formal education while they are reached seven or eight years old. They said that before seven or eight years old, it is rhe curcial time for children to grow up and parents should take full of control. Children needs to more play and learn their closes environment instead of study in class everyday.

All in all, I covered that earlier formal education is much far better for children on account they ought to gain more learning experiences. Although, parents control is still needed during children activities in their early period of grown up.

hailun11 12 / 14 3  
Sep 5, 2016   #2
Hello Daya^^

It is an inevitable situation that formal education now becomeS such an urge during children'shave been growing up stage.
... as soon as possible to sentD their children into school, while otherS said that (...) to force children to attend formal education ...

Children needs to more play and learn their ...

it is the crucial time for children to grow up and parents should take full of control. Children needs to more play and learn their closes environment instead of study in class everyday.(I think I haven't found what your main topic here, you are still paraphrase only, no reason also why people cons with first statement anyway. Then, look at second para and third para, those are unbalance composition).
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Sep 8, 2016   #3
Hi Daya.
I am delighted to read your writing because you have shown better progress than previous terms. I have taken the basic structure in this essay of IELTS. In your introduction, you can paraphrase the statement well although you harness the simple words. I really appreciate that. However, to make your essay more meaningful, you are supposed to mention underline of your opinions about the prompt in the thesis statement. As we can see this---


This essay will cover those both point of views and decided what system should be a better alternative for children.

you only describe the general statement where you stand out.

SUBSEQUENTLY, Earlier formal education such as ...

On the contrary IN THE CONTRAST, there are people who believe

... the crucial time for children to grow up and parents should take full of control

You should find the stronger example to support your idea. A scientific fact can be taken as the sentence to call attention of the readers.

In the conclusion, you place recommendation to be the middle way of the matters. Besides that, keep in your mind that you each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

I strongly believe you will master this section on condition that you wanna practice more.
Keep spirit Miss.
GOOD LUCK
:D


Home / Writing Feedback / Formal Education for 4 Years Old Children - is it too soon?