Unanswered [3] | Urgent [1]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Formally Written Essay on Why Hillary Clinton Should've Been President

pacifyxer 1 / 4 1  
Nov 22, 2016   #1
Hillary Clinton was, hands-down, the best viable option for the presidency of the United States. She was the selected Democratic candidate and was running against Donald Trump, the Republican candidate. The time she's had managing office and her stance on economic equality and basic human rights show that she should've been president.

Hillary Clinton would've been the better candidate for the presidency because she simply has more experience. She is married to Bill Clinton, who was the president of the United States from 1993 to 2001 and therefore served as First Lady for eight years. After this invaluable experience dealing with office, she moved on to become the 67th Secretary of State from 2009 to 2013. In this position, she went supported the then-president, Barack Obama, in his foreign policy endeavors and did a lot of behind-the-scenes work to ensure that Iran wouldn't procure a nuclear weapon, to fix the US' relations with Cuba and other foreign policy achievements. Obviously, all this experience in the office would've astronomically helped her handle the undertakings of her presidency, had she been elected. Donald Trump is a media-proclaimed businessman who's been bankrupt six times and who can clearly not handle finance or responsibility responsibly. He does not seem to have learned from these incidents either, proven by the rash decisions made during his run for presidency and his constant refusal to listen to his advisers (Independent News). At the very least, this presidency is a matter of national security. He's uniquely unqualified for this position. The president is to receive nuclear codes, White House coordinates and unilateral authority of militia commandment. Hillary Clinton has proven, with her years after years in office, that she can handle these permissions in a trustworthy and responsible manner. Donald Trump; however, has proven no such thing.

Donald Trump, the Republican candidate was a pointlessly misogynistic and outspoken person that, on many occasions, spoke out about how he would repeal Obamacare and all its perks within his first one hundred days of presidency. This includes free birth control and IUD's. He saw the issues that women face day to day as something that they should "figure out themselves" (New York Times). In terms of equal pay for men and women, he was quoted saying that, "you're gonna make the same if you do as good a job". We are going to assume that by "as good," he's basing quality as a parallel with quantity. If so, this statement is very misogynistic as it relies on the "fact" that women don't work as hard and long as men, even though a study done by the Ponemon Institute, an independent research institute, proves that women work harder and longer than men (Daily Mail and Forbes). Hillary, being a woman herself, understands that equality between genders is a necessity for a growing economy and country. She wants to help children and working parents navigate the early years easily by providing free or cheaper childcare nationwide, further develop Obamacare while keeping birth control at its fixed price and ensure that women are receiving equal wages for the work they do. She stands for wholesome American families that don't have to struggle to pay for child care or rely on a male to bring in larger wages in the case of both parents working.

And lastly; while these subjects may be controversial, most can be explicated down to a selection of basic human rights that Hillary supports. She, above all, stands for equality, meaning equality for wages, women in general and LGBTQ people. She promotes legal immigration and a familial initiative to keep families that immigrated in part to reunite. Her opponent is predominantly racist concerning this challenge and wants to block all immigration coming from countries that were "historically problematical" (read: Mexico and countries dominated by Islamic religion) while allowing those dominated by Caucasian people to process immigration under unfair grounds. Hillary wanted America to continue to be the immigration-born nation that America was and is. She supported the transgender bathroom decree that dictates public schools to open bathrooms and locker rooms per gender identity and the Supreme Court's recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in all fifty states. Donald Trump; however, seemed to be very indecisive, and mostly negative, surrounding the bathroom issue. He was quoted at one moment saying that transgender people should be allowed to use whichever bathroom they decided, and then backed a vicious bill passed in North Carolina that decreed that all people must use the bathroom associated with their biological sex. He also selected Mike Pence, a notoriously homophobic man that promoted "gay cure" therapy during the election and suggested that the funding for HIV treatment should be replaced with funding for this "gay cure" therapy, as his running mate. Donald Trump also signed a bill legalizing LGBTQ discrimination on the grounds of religion and may move to eradicate the Supreme Court's ruling on LGBTQ once in office. An article written by NYMag explains that while he may not do anything extreme, he will almost certainly halt the process of acceptance. Whether he's against it or not, his coalition-and vice president-certainly are.

All in all, it's easy to see how Hillary Clinton was the superior candidate for this election. She supported elevated versions of the foundations that the US was built on and clearly communicated her views. She planned to continue developing president Obama's achievements and the economy by making higher pay an achievable goal and equal opportunity. She was the Democratic candidate, but besides that factor, the experience that she's had in office, the fact that she understands that child care, equal pay, and birth control availability are fundamental economic challenges and not just 'women's issues' and her stance on controversial subjects like legal immigration, LGBTQ and women's rights show that she should've become president on November 8th, 2016.


"Women Do Work Longer and Harder Than Men." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, n.d. Web.

Peppers, Margot. "Women DO Work Harder than Men: How Female Employees Are Less Prone to Distraction and More Likely to Get a Job Done." Mail Online. Associated Newspapers

"Donald Trump's Six Bankruptcies, Detailed." @politifact. N.p., n.d. Web.

"New Vice President Mike Pence Supported 'gay Cure' Therapy, and Other Terrifying Beliefs." PinkNews. N.p., n.d. Web.

"This Is the Future of LGBT Rights Under President Trump and It's Not Pretty." The Cut. N.p

"Don't Be Fooled That Donald Trump's Advisers Can Tame Him in the White House - He Stopped Listening Months Ago." The Independent. Independent Digital News and Media, n.d. Web.

The assignment was to write a formal essay on why we thought ____ or ____ should/should've been president, using three key ideas for each paragraph. Writing Feedback, please.

Rich Monte 2 / 93 2  
Nov 22, 2016   #2
She was the selected Democratic candidate

It's a good point (she was indeed selected by DNC to be a nominee, not elected, despite the fact she had less support than Bernie). So you should probably spend another sentence on that.

Regarding experience, you suggest that more experience = better. If that was the case, M. Jordan, if he was still playing, would be the best MVP candidate? Probably not.

You mention her experience as a wife of a president.. you may also ask a question - if she was not married to B. Clinton, would she have a chance to be selected as a congresswoman?

Hillary Clinton has proven, with her years after years in office, that she can handle these permissions in a trustworthy and responsible manner.

Yes, and should also mention the FBI investigation to an illegal server.

You mention president Obama and how Mrs. Clinton would 'build on his success.' But are people really better off today than they were 8 years ago? Would they want to continue the same path?

Finally, you may know that economy was among the most important issues in this year's presidential elections. But you only mention forcing 'equal pay' - forgetting that if there are high taxes and high regulations, like in the past 8 years, there are chances there would be no pay to share (businesses would either move to low-tax countries or would do nothing and join the millions who wait for the government to send them a paycheck).

I think you focus too much on social issues which mean nothing in times of no economic growth; you may want to devote at least an additional paragraph to: economic struggles during the Obama administration, bad (not only good) sides of illegal immigration, and external threats / how to prevent them (terrorism etc.). Plus, you put too much emphasis on what somebody SAID (Trump) versus what somebody DID (or DID NOT do).

Overall, this essay is very well written and constructed, but the points need to be more objective and stronger (again, focus more on hard-core issues, not social ones).

Home / Writing Feedback / Formally Written Essay on Why Hillary Clinton Should've Been President