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Task 1: Four categories of films which were screened in the United Kingdom and Australia in 2001


Lunazimnavi11 4 / 6 1  
Apr 17, 2016   #1
Four categories of films which were screened in the United Kingdom and Australia in 2001 is depicted in the bar chart and, cinema admissions in the United Kingdom and Australia from 1976 to 2006 is portrayed in the line graph. Overall, US films dominated in both the UK and Australia, whereas two other types of films were more popular in the UK and another in Australia. It can also be seen that cinema admissions in UK experienced a dramatic fluctuation than in Australia during 3 decades.

During 2001, US films showed as the highest films that were screened in both of the countries with nearly four-fifth and roughly seven in ten, respectively. British and Australian films presented just above 20 and 10 per cent in the UK, while Australia was only less than 5 per cent. In others category, Australia was screened nearly two-fifth, whereas in the UK not more than one in twenty.

Moving to figure of cinema admissions in the UK and Australia, the admissions in the UK in 1976 stood at just above 100 million, then fluctuated reaching fewer than 60 million in 1984. Finally, the next 2 decades witnessed a slight variation and reached just under 160 million in 2006. However, Australia only saw a modest alternation in the number of cinema admissions over 3 decades, began at roughly 30 million, and in 2006, approached almost two and half times than the beginning.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 17, 2016   #2
Ivan, I reckon that your tenses consistency is already good. Yet, you're still not really aware about some punctuation and prepositions, which makes some of your sentences become confusing. If you aim for band 6 or above, I think you have to reduce your grammatical errors to the lowest level possible. Remember, clarity is the king! This comes from public writing band descriptors for IELTS task 1:

Band 6:
- uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
- makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication(which means, it should not confuse the reader)

These are what I've found from your essay:

- in the bar chart and,, while cinema admissions in the United Kingdom and Australia (to avoid redundancy, you can use 'while' instead of 'and')
- It can also be seen that, cinema (comma needed)
- experienced a dramatic fluctuation than incompared to Australia (if you mentioned comparison, make sure that it is appropriate and accurate)
- during 3 decadesover 3-decade period.
- DuringIn 2001, US films showed as...
- countries withat nearly four-fifth and roughly seven in ten, respectively (comma is unnecessary, proper preposition is 'at')
- In othersothercategorycategories,
- screened at nearly two-fifth (missing preposition)
- in the UK was not more than one in twenty. (missing verb)

Hope this helps, keep practicing! :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 20, 2016   #3
Hi Ivan, as I finish reading your analysis, i must say that is is with a unique approach, you have developed an analysis that is not as typically written as the others, most of the analysis would start as, "the chart below illustrates", yours started in a very unusual way, unusual on a positive note.

Moreover, I believe that the chart has been explained properly, no information has been left out and definitely, no facts has been neglected, you manage to come up with a full detailed analysis that is very important in presenting the chart.

As mentioned, we do hope that you follow through with the suggested revision to the analysis and I wish to review more of your essay soon.

Keep writing.


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