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Four different vehicles popularity and several reasons why people travel by car in the Edmonton city

Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 15, 2016   #1
The diagrams of transport and car use in Edmonton.

The pie chart compares the utilizing of four different vehicles and the given table illustrates several reasons of people who traveling through car in Edmonton city. Overall, it can be seen that the figure for using car was by far the greatest of transport utilization. What is more? Most of people go on trip by using car is due to work commute.

A closer look at the data reveals that the proportion of car utilization is more than two fifths. While using Light Rail Transit (LRT) at 35%, is the second more popular transport in the city, the remaining of two groups, both bus and taxi shows a minority, at 10% of whole proportion.

A large number of people prefer car going to the other places because of work commute. There is two-fifths of inhabitants using car for taking their children to school while more than it, at 45% due to business traveling. However, the figure for shopping and leisure activities seen the least proportion, at less than a fifth.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 15, 2016   #2
Nurul, I would like to try to assess your essay based on IELTS writing task 1 public band descriptors.

Task Response:
- You were able to generally address the task, but the format was inappropriate in places. Key features and bullet points were not adequately covered.

Coherence and Cohesion:
- Unfortunately, some cohesive devices appeared to be inaccurate, such as 'what is more?', should be 'what is more,', 'a closer look of the data reveals that', should use comma, and 'it can be seen that' that should use comma.

Lexical Resource:
- Your range of vocabulary were still limited. You need to practice more on this one. Some of your words were frequently repetitive, for instance, proportion = three times, using car = three times. In addition, I notice that there were no efforts seen to use some less common vocabularies.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
- I notice your attempt to create complex sentences, but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences. It is dangerous if you keep doing this. So, my suggestion is that you need to make a sentence pattern that you are sure 100% correct. It is okay for a practice, but it is better to do a proof read and re-check again before posting it here.

There you are Nurul, there are still many things that you should develop. Do not hesitate to ask some questions relating to my feedback above.

Cheers :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 16, 2016   #3
Hi Nurul, here's some additional insights to the analysis.

- The pie chart compares the utilizingutilization of four
- different vehicles andin
- the given table, it illustrates several
- figure forof using cars was
- by far the greatest of transport utilization.
- Most of people go on a trip
- by using a car is due to work commute .

- moremost popular transport
- 10% of the whole proportion.

- people prefers a car going
- to the other places because
- activities has seen the least proportion,

There you have it Nurul, I hope the additional remarks helped in your revision and for future writing reference, mind the words you use in the essay, the for of the words you choose also matters and effectively affects the overall impact of the essay.

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