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'free entrance to museums and art galleries' -revise my IELTS writing task 2


optal 2 / 1  
Sep 10, 2012   #1
Should arts-related entertainment venues such as museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge apply for admittance?

Discuss this issue, and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.


In my country, there are several museums and art galleries in the world. The majority of them are free for local people, but collect ticket prices for tourists. However, some museums are not available for general public because the cost of maintenance is higher than the owner could afford it. As the result they have to close the museums. For that reason most of art entertainments should be charge for everybody in many reasons.

First of all, the majority of historical paintings are required specific specialists to maintain. It is essential that museum's owners have to hire experts to protect their belongings, so they need to pay a great deal of salary for them. Thus, they have to earn amount of money by selling entrance tickets and souvenir. Although many museums in developed countries have financial support from the government, most of them still need donation. It is often to see that every museum has a donation box near a gift shop.

On the other hand, some people might argue that free entrance to museums and art galleries provides many advantages including education, economy, and tourism. If everyone can get in museums for free, many people are willing to learn culture and history from other countries, so they tend to improve their knowledge. Therefore, learning helps people to understand and accept differences from others and reduces conflict in their society. In addition, free entrance is attractive advertisement to draw many tourists come to travel in the country. For that reason, the economy and tourism are going up.

In conclusion, arts-related entertainment should be free of charge if the exhibition has enough grant to backup. Therefore, it provides huge benefits for most people. In my opinion, it depends on museum management systems and policies of each place that organize the museum. If museums are lack of financial support, they will be closed in the end.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 10, 2012   #2
In my country, there are several museums and art galleries in the world.

Have you dropped a part by mistake in this sentence? ... It sounds confusing :(

TheEntrance to the majority of themthese museums isare free for the local people, but collect ticket prices fornot for the tourists.

Well.... you need to pay attention to mainly how you organize your ideas.
Enik Setiawan - / 1  
Sep 10, 2012   #3
but collect ticket prices for tourists
it should be:
but they collect ticket prices for tourists
didiconopidi 2 / 4  
Sep 10, 2012   #4
Your essay it's good but you need to organise your ideas, I know it is hard especially when you run out of time. I know how it is,I have the same problem.Overall, your essay will score 6.5, in my opinion.
Shayke_96 6 / 19  
Sep 11, 2012   #5
Hi
i think your essay is very good but ur ideas are all over the place..try and organize them
ace 5 / 66 5  
Sep 11, 2012   #6
i think your essay is very good but ur ideas are all over the place

Hm, you didn't add anything useful. You just rewrote Grama's input... You should add someting more unique.


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