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Free mobile phone and access to the Internet to find jobs sponsored by tax payers?


tosucceed999 3 / 8  
Jul 19, 2011   #1
Some people think that the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the Internet to find jobs.
To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.


In early years of twentieth- first century, there are many problems that happen with the increase of globalisation around the world. In some countries, unemployment climbs up highly which creates big troubles to economic system. In my opinion, the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the Internet to help them find jobs.

Free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet will provide many useful opportunities for unemployed to find jobs. Nowadays, people are very selfish and they don't show their secrets about jobs and financial benefits to other people. The gap between the riches and the poor increases when unemployment increases. Furthermore, troubles will happen regularly on busy streets of every city where unemployment cannot be controlled by the government. Therefore, in order to build and upgrade the society, the government should distribute free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet to unemployed people. These activities will help them to find jobs and they will increase their income. Importantly, they will not cause any troubles to societies such as: burglars, stealing, and so on. Economic situation will change significantly to a good situation for both government and their citizens.

However, free mobile phones will cause some problems to the budget from government which affects negative impact to other subjects. Free mobile phones will cost the government a huge price which leads to an dramatical increase on income tax and goods and services tax, which is known as GST. Therefore, sales wages from other jobs will decrease which decreases incomes of other people.

To sum up, I agree with the idea of providing free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet from the government to unemployed people.

This is my essay about task 2, please check for me and give me the right score. Thanks a lot!!!
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 19, 2011   #2
Dont write "people are selfish..." it sounds u r judging everyone--avoid judging in any exanlm--- use words like " secretive" in this case

-- u have ended ur 2nd last para countering ur view n not giving sufficient explaination as to y ur opinion will have more important advantages than the pqrticular disadvantage--- this is required

-- overall a very gud essay, ur english is good-- keep writing n think more strong arguments

gud luck n cheers

QUOTE FR U
" only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages".

-Terry Pratchett
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 22, 2011   #3
In early years of twentieth twenty-first century, there are many problems that happen with the increase of globalisation around the world.

In some countries, unemployment climbs up, highly which creates big trouble in the economic system.

... don't share their secrets about...

... any trouble to society, such as: burglary, stealing, and so on.

The economic situation will improve significantly for both the government and its citizens.
and free access to the Internet from the government to unemployed people.

I can't give you a score, because I don't know how the judges will score it, but I can tell you that it is very clear and easy to understand. However, you would not get a perfect score, because some of the verb tense was incorrect and some words needed minor changes.

I think you are doing very well, though! Please type the WHOLE essay again, and apply the corrections you've been given. :-)
fairwind 2 / 5  
Jul 24, 2011   #4
Free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet will provide many useful opportunities for the unemployed to find jobs.

In opinion, the second paragraph should explain that why free mobile phones and free access to the Internet help people to find jobs.
For example,
"Providing free mobile phones and free access to the Internet as one of the best ways makes it possible for the unemployed to have more chances in job market."

Also, the conclusion can be stronger.
"To sum up, increasing access to job opportunities will help the unemployed to find jobs. Therefore, I think it important for the government to provide free mobile phones and free access to the Internet to unemployed people."
OP tosucceed999 3 / 8  
Jul 25, 2011   #5
Can you give me the score for this essay? Thanks.
ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 25, 2011   #6
hi~honestly, I feel confused after I read your essay. Some sentences seem reluctant to the topic. For example:

Furthermore, troubles will happen regularly on busy streets of every city where unemployment cannot be controlled by the government.

The topic is " should the government provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the Internet to find jobs ?"

But you mentioned "troubles will happen everywhere"? Sound unreasonable.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 26, 2011   #7
...climbs up very high, which creates big troubles to the economic system.

Free mobile phones and free access to the...

...for unemployed people to find jobs.

Economic situation will improve significantly for both the government and its citizens.

... leads to a dramatic increase in income tax and goods and services tax, which is known as GST.

:-)
OP tosucceed999 3 / 8  
Jul 28, 2011   #8
Thanks very much for all advice. But can anyone give me the IELTS score for this essay?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 29, 2011   #9
I don't know how those are scored. I would be guessing. Somebody told me about the way they score those tests, but I am no expert.

The most important thing is to identify your mistakes, learn how to correct them, and then think of other examples of situations where you could apply the rule you learned from each correction.

*** I had to move your other essay to a new thread. Please start a new thread for each essay. :-)


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