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What I do in my free time - thinking about my goal

Sandy047 1 / -  
Jul 25, 2018   #1

excellent business consultant

Everyone has a dream,and be an excellent business consultant is my goal .
To become a good cosuant ,have abundant knowledge about business is needed . So in my free time(such as midnight before I get to sleep),I very likes to read business books to border my knowledge.This habit not only could borden my sight but also it always could makes me feel relaxed and have a good sleep.

Please give me some advice that how can I improve this essay,thank you very much!

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Jul 25, 2018   #2
Jhuang, hope that I can help.

Everyone has a dream, and mine is to be an excellent business consultant on one day.

To achieve that goal / To make that dream comes true, I have to acquire abundant of knowledge for business. So/Therefore I used to read a lot of books about business whenever I am free, before the bedtime in particular. This (reading) habit not only help me to broaden my horizon but also to de-stress which help me to get a good night's sleep afterward.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,804 2614  
Jul 26, 2018   #3
Jhuang, this is more of a statement than an essay. So you should present short but clear sentences Since you are a new English language learner. It will be best for you to write short complete sentences instead. Try not to use too many punctuation marks at this point and just keep using periods until you become comfortable with using it. As your sentences become longer and you begin to learn how to combine 2 thoughts in one sentence, you can start using commas and expanding your punctuation mark use per sentence presentation. You need to be able to present this particular statement in a narrative manner. Something like the following:

Everyone has a dream. My dream is to become an excellent business consultant. In order to achieve my dream of becoming a good consultant, I need to have ample business knowledge. That is why during my free time, usually before I go to bed at midnight, I like to read business books that can broaden my knowledge. This is a habit that not only helps me to improve my knowledge and business skills, but also helps me to have a good night's rest.

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