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Essay about free transportation 24/7


malvykay 1 / -  
Jul 29, 2018   #1
Q: The best way for the government to solve traffic congestion is to provide free public transport 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

GOOD/BAD METHOD FOR LOWERING BIG TRAFFIC ON ROADS



Since traffic congestion has been a hot problem in many countries, some of them have published a regulation about free public transportation in order to alleviate the serious traffic jam and air pollution. But as far as I know, it hasn't implement successfully as it has a lot of drawbacks. I will talk about its disadvantages as follows.

Firstly, to implement the policy needs a supplement support from the government finance. Every year, the financial department should create a financial budget to cover all items of investment. In other words, the fee to provide free public transport would be put into the budget, which is costly. Normally, is takes several years to recover the cost by putting the railway system into use. So these countries try to solve the traffic problem through free tickets gave up at last due to the financial burden.

Secondly, the outcome still suspended even if our government have the ability to support the expense. For instance, in rush hours, the existing transport system is already run out with so many passengers surge into the railway stations and bus stations. I strongly believe that they would stop working if it's free to take to public transport. Also, a part of them will choose to drive again after going through the experience.

At last, applying for 24 hours everyday should be a waste of resources. Since the most serious time of congestion is on rush hours, so people won't take public transports at midnight when they'd rather drive a car for security. Worse than that, this kind of public places will be the shelter of homeless one without supervising.

In conclusion, although free public transport will attract a majority of people and prevent them driving a car, the huge financial burden and supervising measures would be an obstacle. Personally, I don't think it should be the best way to solve the problem.

A friend of mine wrote that for IELTS preparation but I don't even know where to begin to help her. Any advice would really be appreciated.

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Jul 29, 2018   #2
Hope that I can help.

Some people suggest to put your answer (agree or disagree) to the introduction paragraph, of course it is not the rule but I just do it as is...

Also please try to avoid putting things that not ask in the question, e.g. air pollution. Several of the website teaching IELTS writing suggested that in the introduction paragraph, a background statement (i.e. paraphrase of the question) and thesis (your answer) would be sufficient. I saw some indian websites suggested putting the hook (the beginning statement that aim to attract reader), I'm not sure if this will lead higher score but I would rather not doing that way, I know I am not good enough to write something catch people's eye...

I guess the 2nd paragraph aim to tell readers the cost of free public transport gives burden of finance to the government. However, the first 3 sentences sounds trying to tell us about the procedures of allocating fund/money, which seems not relevant to the topic sentence.

To be frank I'm just the beginner so I don't think I have the ability to give advise on grammar etc. I just try to tell as a reader and I believe you will spot that too if you read through the essay.

Please try read other works on this website especially the comments of it and I believe it will help a lot on IELTS writing.

In my previous attempts I was so lucky to have Mary Rose (HOLT her username) to check and comment. She always reminding us to form the essay in 4 to 5 paragraphs and limit 3 to 5 sentences per paragraph. And the body paragraph should always contain the topic sentence (your point, your answer to the question), and then explain the topic sentence you just wrote. And then follow with 1 or 2 statements as the support information, and if possible give further explanation with an example. Please follow this link to one of her feedback for an essay

https://essayforum.com/writing/countries-number-young-adults-larger-elderly-80254/
https://essayforum.com/writing/students-eager-traveling-earning-money-instead-80294/
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jul 30, 2018   #3
Kudzai, if you want to really help your friend prepare for the IELTS test then the best thing that you can do is ask her to join us at this forum where we can actually help her directly through a lively discussion regarding how to best improve his or her existing writing skills. We are a friendly bunch who really get along so your friend should not have a problem blending in with our little ragtag group :-)

The main problem of your friend in this essay is a simple prompt deviation in the opening paraphrase that could have created a prompt deviation in the discussion. The question is: "to what extent do you agree or disagree?" So the response that should have been delivered was: I strongly disagree with this statement." Then the explanations as to why there is a disagreement should be given in the next 2 paragraphs since this is a 4 paragraph essay question. BTW, don't use information not in the original prompt. That can cause a prompt deviation because the writer will read the draft and think "I forgot to explain that part" and revise the essay, when it was never asked about to begin with.

Your friend properly discussed the reasons in the 3 body of paragraphs. writing a total of 5 paragraphs, which will result in a higher TA score since a complete 5 paragraph presentation shows a clear understanding of the prompt as well as an increased C&C and GRA score due to the full explanations that each paragraph contains. Taking ownership of the opinions in the paragraph by indicating "I strongly believe" also helps to increase the scoring potential of the essay as a reminder of the discussion thesis statement is sent mid-essay to the examiner. BTW, the topic sentence in paragraph 4 is not clear to the reader. Remember, every sentence needs to be understandable and should not confuse the reader.

The other problem is that this essay will be considered minimally responsive due to the problem with the prompt paraphrase. Since that part of the essay is wrong in presentation, points will be deducted for falling under the minimum word count (if that is the case after the wrong presentation sentences / paragraphs are removed from the word count). This will heavily affect your friend's TA score.

Tell your friend that the conclusion is well written in this essay and the concluding summary is almost perfect. Your friend should have simply restated that he/she strongly disagrees with the original prompt based on these reasons.


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