The letter from the faculty committee about the free tuition policy is devoided of necessery enquiry and thought. A study done in a near by university may not be hold true for all cases to another university since the circumstances and situations differs drastically in both case. And also, the previous study proved to have increased retention of professors may not apply for luring new professors.
First of all the professors of Oceania University could be comparitivly old university and most of them are elder to have college aged children and that may not be the case of the Seatown University. As it says " for luring new professor" it may be newer one. And may be most professors are younger and may not be married even. So , for introducing a free tuition plan for the Seatown university to get the intended result , enquire the family status for its future professor. If they or largely not married, other schemes like a free apartments, or gymnasiums may work better for this purpose.
Secondly, the study from the Oceania University was proved to retain the professors more- not to attract new professors. It may be possible that because of the worry of detaching their college age children out of their habituated study environment, the professors are not willing to change their University for job. So if it is the condition, it is possible that the new professors may try to avoid to get into a trap by teaching at Seatown university and get them also unable to shift or transfer to any other place worrying about their children's future.In this case, this university may look for the need of the new children of the prospective professors and address them specifically to achive their indented goal.
As the suggestion from the Seatown University faculty commettiee seems an attractive one, it should be correlated to the previous study specifically for each situation for achieving the results.
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A GRE argument essay written in just 30 mins ( including brain storming, typing and proof reading) kindly comment on it
especially on the grammar side and usages.
The letter from the faculty committee about ...
Its great that you address the two topics your going to talk about in the body paragraph, however the prompt asks you to identify what evidences are needed to evaluate the argument. Point out the evidences your going to talk about in the body paragraph, not the assumptions
First of all the professors of Oceania University could be ...
What I understood from this paragraph: the evidence we need here is that we need to know the marital status of new professors to see if the proposed plan will work. If we do not know their status, the plan might not work, therefore it will weaken the argument
... It may be possible that because of the worry of detaching their college age children out of their habituated study environment, the professors are not willing to change their University for job. ... I do not understand this body paragraph well, it might be the way your worded your sentences. You need to re-word the second sentence.
Overall, there was organization in your essay and you had good support for the first paragraph. You should re-write the second paragraph or think of another good evidence that will help evaluate the argument. Good luck on the GRE! Keep practicing and outlining. It will help a lot!!
Hi Robin, as I read through your essay, I found out that there are some words that are either missing a letter or spelled wrong, I understand that this is minor observation, but the impact is definitely big, the effect of a misspelled word or missing letter can greatly affect the idea that you are trying to depict in your essay, so you should be really careful.
devoided - divided
near be -nearby ( one word )
comparitivly - comparatively
elder - older ( older - when referring to age / elder - referring to the respect for the older people )
Moreover, the use of "was", instead of "has", "to" instead of "for" this are necessary to the completion of your essay, having said that, mind the linking verbs as well as the tenses that you use in your sentences as this will affect the overall aspect of the essay.
I hope my corrections helped and keep on writing.
