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Freedom of artists-ielts task 2


beepro21 15 / 22  
Sep 12, 2011   #1
Please help me check my writing and improve it. If possible, give me a score and some comments.Thank you very much in advance!
Creative artists should ne given freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Freedom, the wonderland for each artist's creativeness, can result in appearance of masterpieces in music, art and cinema, so on. Some people think that artists should be given complete freedom to express their own ideas without any government's restrictions. However, I do not totally agree with this idea.

We can not deny the importance of freedom to artists while composing. Freedom gives those wings of imaginations so that their creativeness goes beyond every border and touches each person's soul. It's a legitimate right for artists to express their ideas in their own ways. True artists always lead people toward truth, kindness and beauty and they create values enriching spiritual people's lives. Hence, the government should give them more encouragements instead of restrictions. It's likely that the more freedom they have, the more successful their works tends to be.

However, it is not a good idea that there shouldn't be any restrictions on ideas expressions of artists. In a modern society, technologies make artistic works come to the public easily and quickly. Beside good content compositions, some poor quality ones with meaningless lyrics or vulgar words released can have bad influence on the community. In addition, nude art can be used to satisfy the dirty demands of some calling themselves artists. Sex scenes in films can have negative effects on personality development of teenagers and children who are easy to imitate what they see. Therefore, government should have detailed restricts and requirements on quality of artist works and artistic performances in order to prevent spreading messages of bad lifestyles in society.

In conclusion, the government should encourage the creativeness of artists by honoring those with great contributions. However, detailed restrictions are necessary for guaranteeing a healthy development of national culture.
jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Sep 13, 2011   #2
Freedom, the wonderland for each artist's creativeness, can result in appearance of masterpieces in music, art and cinema, so on.

Freedom, the wonderland for each artist's creativeness, can result in (the ) appearance of masterpieces in music, art , cinema and so forth .

shouldn't--->should not (It would be better to avoid abbreviation in IELTS writing)

Beside good content compositions, some poor quality ones with meaningless lyrics or vulgar words released can have bad influence on the community.

Beside good content compositions, it would have undesirable influence on the community, if some poor quality ones released meaningless lyrics or vulgar words.

I suggest you can use some advanced adjectives to replace "good" and "bad".
I hope it can help you.


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