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IELTS writing task 2: The freedom of the media

skeptical 1 / 1  
Dec 4, 2019   #1
This is my first time posting here. All comments are appreciated!

government's control over the media?

TOPIC: Some hold the view that ideas and information should be completely open, and there should be no controls on what people can read and watch in the media (TV, newspaper, Internet).

Do you agree with this view or do you think that in some circumstances governments should limit the freedom of the media?

The freedom of the media has become a widely debated topic in recent years. Since its influence is vast, people are highly concerned about this problem. It is believed by some that there should be no restriction on what people can read and watch. I am in favour of this idea and in this essay, I will explain my reasons and give some relevant examples.

A growing number of people believe in the freedom of the media because the public has the right to be informed in a transparent way. This is because even though the data provided by the media might be controversial it generally guarantees that people would be able to look at one topic fcom different perspectives. In addition, the content which could be disturbing to young people are often obliged to put a warning before it is allowed to broadcast. Therefore, viewers are able to have secured access to information.

Secondly, people also claim that if media was put under the control of the government it would sooner or later become a puppet of political parties. This is because some politicians used television, newspaper as a tool to promote a false image of themselves to attract the attention of the public in order to win the election. People were manipulated by the media and chose to vote for a political candidate because they thought he would give them a better life.

On the other hand, there is a common belief that in some cases the media should be controlled by the government. This is due to the fact that media has the tendency to share contents containing unreliable information. For example, nowadays it is not rare to find a headline claiming the death a famous celebrity even though they are still alive. The shock tactic often used to attract attention and to give inaccurate data. As a consequence, the related party has to file a lawsuit to stop the magazine.

To sum up, the freedom of the media is a difficult issue. While the public has the right to access to information it does not automatically mean that the media is always capable of providing accurate content. Personally, I think that the government should not have control over the media.

I only hoped to score a 6.5 in writing test but recently it has become harder and harder. I self-study so I hope I can get all the help I could get! Thanks in advance!

thaithu 4 / 9 2  
Dec 4, 2019   #2
I think your essay will be more attractive if you use more examples. In some countries, some social media, for example Telegram, are restricted due to the risk of terrorism or reactionary. I see you use conditional clause, to get higher scores you could transfer it into "were media to be put,.... ". Overall, your essay has good ideas and reasons. Thanks.
roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Dec 6, 2019   #3
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing. 😁😁

As I read through your writing, your writing structure is good which includes introduction, 2 body paragraphs and conclusion. And your essay provided good ideas and reasons.

However, if you want to rise your band score into 6.5 or above, you should work hard on your grammatical range which utilizes passive tense, gerund, modal auxiliary verbs, conditional clause, present perfect on your writing. And pay attention to your word order in your sentence.

Last but not least, use correct punctuation is essential to your writing. You do not want to lose your band score cause of faulty punctuation.

Hope my feedbacks would help.😁😁
OP skeptical 1 / 1  
Dec 8, 2019   #4
@thaithu @roswita116 thanks both of you so much for such helpful advice!
hungxd08 3 / 5 4  
Dec 8, 2019   #5
I think your essay is quite good enough. However, I think it might be considered carefully as follow:
1.Some grammar is not used correctly, some commas, semicolons should be set appropriately.
2.In introduction part, the reader might not understand what is "this problem" as it is not defined before. (you only mentioned its influence)
3.The use of conjunctions seems to be not tie. For instance, you use "secondly" and "on the other hand" without "firstly" and "on the one hand".

4.You should consider carefully your argument because (i) in the introduction part you argue that you agree with no restriction of media, but in the fourth paragraph, you argue about opposite view

I hope it might be useful for you as well.
Best regards,

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