Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

French-language teachers were recruied more often from 2001 to 2007, in contrast to English tutors


ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Aug 29, 2016   #1
The line graph illustrates a number of teachers following recruitment in Ontario by year of graduation, over a 7-year period from 2001 to 2007, divided by English-language teachers and French-language teachers.

Overall, French-language teachers experienced a slightly increase from 2001 to 2007 while the percentage of English-language teachers was a significant fall at the same period.

In 2001, both English-language and French-language educators had nearly the same number at around 70 percent, but the number of those who teach French had fluctuated, went down to 50 percent in 2002 and up to 68 percent in 2003, while English-language teachers constantly decreased at 40 percent in the same time.

Between 2003 and 2005, both of them had a gradual increase of 5 percent from 40 percent of English-language teachers and 3 percent from 67 percent of French-language teachers.

However, the percentage of English-language teachers fell again from 2005 to 2007 at 28 percent. In the contrast, French-language teachers reached in peak in 2007 at 75 percent although it fluctuated in the previous year.






ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 29, 2016   #2
Hi Risa,

Here's my analysis towards your essay. I hope you can follow through.

- The line graph illustrates a number of teachers following recruitmentteachers selection in Ontario by year of graduation. (comma, new sentence)It is measured in percentageover a 7-year period from 2001 to 2007. divided by English-language teachers and French-language teachers.

- Overall, it can be seen that , French-language teachers experienced a slightlyslight increase from 2001 to 2007over a 7-year period while the percentage of English-language teachers waswitnessed a significant fall at theduring the same period.

However, aside from the above-mentioned feedback, I notice that you've failed to develop your essay clearly. A strong and well-developed paragraph should have at least 3 sentences for each. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 1 or 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.

Hope this helps :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Aug 30, 2016   #3
a good paragraph consists of at least three sentences. Let me give a try for the intro:
A comparison of the proportion of graduates who applied for jobs as teachers of both French and English languages in Ontario from 2001 to 2007, a 6-year period is presented in the line graph. What stands out from the graph is that both percentages accounted for a 70% success rate in the recruitment. This contrasts to a gap between French and English-teacher figures which had widen out. Again, the recruitment of French teachers experienced a steady increase, while the reverse would be true for that of English ones


Home / Writing Feedback / French-language teachers were recruied more often from 2001 to 2007, in contrast to English tutors