Hi! I am an international student and would like to get a feedback and a score from 1 to 5. The topic is:
What do you want most in a friend-someone who is intelligent, or someone who has a sense of humor, or someone who is reliable? Which one of these characteristics is most important to you? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.
Friends have always played an important part in the life of each individual. However, what is the most important quality that makes us choose someone to be our friend? In other words, what do we appreciate and want most in a friend? Personally, the quality I want my friend to posses is reliability.
The first and maybe most important reason for my choice is that we all have moments when we need help and if our relatives are not able to help us then we have to turn to our friends. For example, we may be living far from our family and we may have broken our leg. Then only our friend can help us get on the bus, walk the stairs, clean the house, wash the dishes, etc. If, however, we cannot depend on our friend then we will be in big trouble.
The second reason is that we can share everything with our "amigo", if we can trust him. We will be able to tell him or her what our problems are and will know that not only will he or she try to help us solve them, but he or she will also not tell other people about them if we think that this can embarrass us.
Finally, if our friend is reliable, then we can be sure that if we lend this person some money, then he or she will return it. In this way, we will not spoil our friendship with him or her and will even strengthen the bond between us.
In conclusion, no matter what other qualities your friend possesses, he or she needs to be reliable, because otherwise, when you need help, you may turn out to be on your own. It is like the old saying: "A friend in need is a friend indeed".
We cannot score your essay for you, but I can tell you that this essay has a sound structure and has no glaring errors that would undermine your score. I'll give one minor correction and let other forum members suggest ways that you might have made this essay even stronger.
The second reason is that we can share everything with our "amigo," if we can trust him.
Most of your intro can be cut. Start right in with reliability, and a summary of your reasons for you choice of reliability as a characteristic.
Your first body paragraph example seems a bit random, and to involve perhaps a wider definition of reliability than most people would be comfortable with.
Your second body paragraph could use a specific example to demonstrate your point.
Your last two paragraphs need elaboration, as they are a bit too short at the moment.
EF_Simone
sorry, please excuse my ignorance. i just cannot understand why you change the order of the punctuation.
i thouhgt the original one is right.
Commas, periods, and semi-colons go inside quotation marks.
"Let's leave right now," I said, "because we will be late otherwise."
He liked to use Spanish slang, calling his friends "amigo."
The only time you put a punctuation mark outside of a quotation mark is when a question mark or explanation point reflects the sentiment of the writer rather than the speaker of a quote:
John asked, "where's the car?"
Did John say, "I can't find my car"?
Mary exclaimed, "I hate you!"
I can't believe that Mary so calmly said "I hate you"!
In essay you don't want to waste time regurgitating the question back to the committee. Stick to the point and answer the question. Omit the first two lines of your essay.
got it. thank you so much!
your examples are easy to understand ,and i learned not only the grammar but also a new word "amigo." :)
