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[TASK 2] Being friends with colleagues or not?


phuongsongao 3 / 5  
Sep 8, 2017   #1
Question: Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

social life inside or outside the workplace



Whether social life should be built inside or outside the workplace is questioned by many. While some claim that being friends with individuals they do not work with is a better choice. I would argue that the profession that a person chooses can offer them both financial support and countless opportunities to develop their social relationships.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why a few individuals think that social life should be built with people who work in a different organization. Firstly, being acquaintances with ones working in other fields might broaden a person's knowledge that possibly help them resolve a number of their problems at work. For instance, a teacher can learn how to deal with disruptive kids effectively by asking for advice from a friend who is a child psychologist. Additionally, social relationships developed outside the workplace tend to last longer than those developed inside. In other words, since many employees have difficulties working in harmony with their workmates due to peer pressure, it is challenging for them to maintain purely true friendships. Therefore, by building social bonds with someone not employed by the same firm, people might avoid unexpected competition at work in terms of chances for promotion and distribution of responsibility.

On the other hand, it is my belief that not only does an occupation bring people financial stability, it also allows them to benefit from the social contacts developed gradually overtime. To begin with, it is an indisputable fact that most individuals obtain financial security from working. In fact, the money that a person receives on a monthly basic enables them to cover their daily expenses as well as improving their living standard. What is more, workplace friendships can either enhance a person's working productivity or contribute positively to his career prospects. That is to say, as friends at work often know each other's strengths and weaknesses, they can provide feedback and even recommend them for more promising jobs at other corporations.

In conclusion, while there are reasons why people should better have social life with ones outside their workplace, I believe that the job a person does can support them financially and more importantly, bring them fruitful relationships.

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Please give comments based on 4 marking criteria. Thanks so much!

ditoaji 5 / 7 2  
Sep 8, 2017   #2
While some claim that making being friends with individuals they who do not work (...) argue that the profession that a professional employee person may chooses choose can to offer them both financial ...

... should be built with in people who ...
... help them to resolve ...
... advice from a friend who is a child psychologist (it seems weak).
... employees have difficult to work in harmony (...), it seems challenging for them to maintain purely true friendships purely.
... not employed in by the same firm, (...) unexpectedly unexpected competition at work in terms of as to whether itschances for ...
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Sep 8, 2017   #3
Phuong, in terms of Task Accuracy, you can only score a 4 with this essay. That is due to the fact that you only minimally responded to the task you were provided. There is a lack of understanding of the actual prompt for discussion and the manner of discussion your part. Your paraphrasing is faulty as the correct paraphrase should have been:

Some people believe that a job should provide both a method by which to become financially stable and make friends. Others believe that it would be best to not mix one's social life with work by making friends in the workplace. This essay will compare both points of view before I offer my personal opinion regarding the matter.

An accurate paraphrase as well as a proper outline of the discussion format required in the essay are considered of the utmost importance in the TA score because it shows how well you understand English based instructions. Your version did not accomplish this requirement as well as it should have. That is why you did not really present a thoroughly relevant discussion based on the original prompt instructions. The missing personal opinion is what further lowered your score in this criteria.

In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, you can score between a 4-5 depending upon the more intricate considerations the examiner may have. I am scoring you within this bracket because I find your paragraphs to have too much information within it, but none of which are developed in a strong manner. You only have the simplest of explanations in single sentences to explain your reasoning, which results in under discussed and developed paragraphs. Try to create connecting sentences between your evidence, supporting discussion, and transition sentence into the next paragraph in order to improve your score in this area. Use only one idea for development whenever possible.

Your lexical resource, in my opinion is a 6 because you used enough simple and advanced English words to make yourself understood. I admire how you tried to use less common English words like "child psychologist" and "financial stability" in a manner that is applicable to the sentence and thought process that you were developing for the discussion.

When it comes to your GRA, I would give you a six as well because you avoided run-on sentences and did not cause undue stress on the reader. As far as I am concerned, you have enough of a mix of simple and complex sentences in the essay which, even though sometimes faulty in structure, does not hinder your communication with your reader.

The essay suffers from a prompt deviation to a certain extent, which caused the essay to be scored on a lower scale. I will not give you an overall score for the essay because I do not know what other considerations an actual examiner may have for your essay in terms of scoring increments. I believe it is enough for you to know the score for your strong and weak points for now so you can improve upon them in your future essays.
OP phuongsongao 3 / 5  
Sep 11, 2017   #4
@ditoaji
Thank you for your correction!
@Holt
Thanks so much. Now I know what my strengths and weaknesses are.


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