But ... but ... I like short skirts on girls.
Don't take this the wrong way. I am going to be very nitpicky here. If you are going to take the time to write practice essays for the SAT, you deserve to have thorough feedback. My intention is to help you.
Let me point out a couple of thing:
In my opinion, friends should be honest to each other
"In my opinion" doesn't add anything to the essay. The reader already knows that it is your opinion. The phrase eats up the word count and doesn't give the essay the strongest start. Instead of saying "honest to," use "honest with." It isn't a big deal, but is sounds smoother to the native speaker's ear and it mirrors the words in the prompt.
While this does not mean two friends can simply hurl insults at each other, it is nessecary for your friend to know if something is wrong with them so it can be fixed for his sake.
This sentence gets wordy. People have the tendency to think that long sentences are more sophisticated. Not always true. You have a misspelling in this sentence as well: nessecary should be necessary-- it is a weird word! You could try rewriting this sentence something like this: Friends should not hurl insults at each other, but honest input can help a friend to fix an issue. 36 words down to 19.
A friend in my opinion has the responsibility to talk to you, to point out your weakness and flaws and together help you to overcome that flaw in your personality.
Again, I'd delete the "in my opinion." Be more forceful with your persuasion! Tell the reader how friends should act and why. Make a statement without sounding like you are apologizing for your beliefs. You talk about "weakness and flaws" here and then overcoming that "flaw." Strive for more agreement between your words here. Weakness is singular (and few people have only one--two of mine are chocolate and girls in short skirts), flaws in plural, but then you only want to help the friend to overcome one flaw. Some teachers look down upon the use of the second person (you) in an essay and instruct their students not to do it. You might want to avoid it. Here's a sample construction: Friends have the responsibility to talk openly with each other, to point out weaknesses and flaws, and to work together on overcoming those flaws.
I believe that the nearer you are with someone, the more they should accept your flaws and vice-versa.
Ummmmm ... I don't know why, but "to someone" would work better here than "with someone." Tricky words! This sentence is a little awkward. Try to simplify it. Something like: The closer friends are, the more accepting each other's imperfections. The word count is cut in half (well, almost).
However, should your friend is doing something that might potentially hurt himself or other people, you have the responsibility as a friend to tell him.
The verbs aren't working here. "Should your friend is doing something that might potentially hurt himself ..." When there is potential for self harm or hurt to other people, friends have the responsibility to speak out. (My sentence is by no means perfect, but it shows another way to rework your thoughts)
Of course, it does not mean that insults and making snide comments to your friends is helping them.
This sentence is really long. Paring it down would strengthen it. Insults and snide comments don't help friends.
For example, I had a friend who used to wear very short skirts. Rather than giving her insults on how inappropriate it is, I gently told her that she should be aware that while short skirts give her more freedom, she is showing her underwear to everyone behind or under her. She immediately understood, apologized to me, and turned up the next day wearing a much more casual dress. In this situation, she accepted it as something said to her so that she can become a better person in everyone's eyes.
This part comes across as judgmental. The example is fine, but the word choice leaves you looking a little high and mighty. More modest clothing doesn't make a person better, just more modestly dressed. Here one way you might say the same thing: I had a friend, for example, who wore very short shirts. She didn't realize that strangers could see her underwear until I gently informed her. From then on, my friend wore more modest clothes and was grateful to me for being truthful with her.
It is true that in another scenario, telling them the truth might make the friend angry and think that you are hi enemy.
His enemy? "Them" is plural, but "friend" is not. The words "them" and "their" trip up a lot of people when it comes to agreement. Another way to write this sentence: Telling the truth might anger friends. (Okay, maybe I cut that sentence down too much. What can I say? I am not a fan of extraneous words. I believe that all words need to earn their spots--especially
when a word count is in play)
However, I believe that being honest to yourself and your friends is a must in order for long-lasting friendship to develop.
Your teachers have probably been telling you that transitions like "however," "secondly," and "in conclusion" help an essay's flow, but they just take up space and disrupt that flow (usually). Switch out "to" to "with." Here's how I'd rewrite it: Being honest with friends and with yourself is imperative for long-lasting friendships to develop.
Wishing you the best!