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IELTS | TASK 2 | Full-time education until adulthood/18 years old

sumomoakiko 1 / 2  
Mar 1, 2018   #1
Hello everyone,
I'll be taking the IELTS test in a fortnight's time.
Since I've been self-studying all the time, it was not until recently that I realized there were lots of problems with my essays
Thus, I truly hope to get my essays better with the kind helps from all of you. Every single comment/correction will be appreciated!

Thank you for reading this and I hope you get a nice day :)
I'm sorry for being quite hyped as this is the very first time I join an open forum and this exam is really important to me and there's nothing like 'it's just an exam not a life' because hell no it's an exam that will define my life ONCE AGAIN I'M SO SORRY


too old for study?

Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, education plays an important role in people's lives as it can be considered as a major factor that decides the career one might take and the life one might lead. Contributing to the idea, it is said by many people that full-time education is an ideal type for people under 18 years old. This essay will strongly support the opposed concept, which believes students under 18 years old are not supposed to receive full-time education.

Firstly, full-time education requires double the time one spends at school, thus will cause them to lack of time to improve other abilities and skills. Consequently, while people gain a great deal of knowledge, they have yet to comprehend general understandings an common sense, which is more necessary to their future career rather than academic knowledge.

Additionally, people under 18 years old are still developing not only physically but also mentally. That said, spending much time on a full-time education program in which they barely have an outdoor activities might have negative impacts on their condition in both aspects. As a result, whilst people are still questioning whether the children could inherit the fruits of full-time education, it will be a high chance that they might face several health problems.

There is also an argument saying the young should acquire education that takes full time. People supporting this viewpoint believe the larger amount of time a kid spends on studying at school, the better he or she can learn. This might be the outcome of a misleading idea that school is the best place to educate children. In fact, if one spends most of their time learning at school form time to time, they will gradually get bored with the environment and lack the interest in what they learn. Along with the shortage of social skills which only can be gained by hanging out often, staying at school for so long will bring about more troubles.

To conclude, it can be seen clearly that there are obvious downfalls of the full-time education if they were applied to students under 18 years old. Therefore, full-time courses might be seen as a bad idea and should never be compulsory for the adolescents.

Word counts: 366

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,636 2523  
Mar 7, 2018   #2
The opening paragraph should not present an opinion coming from the writers, as you did, in the topic paragraph.The topic paragraph should come from the original prompt and should not indicate the need for a full discussion (yet). That should only be a retelling of the original prompt topic. The biggest mistake however, is that you did not use an emotional response to the question posed.

Since this is a single opinion essay, you should not have discussed the opinion that you did not support. All opinion essays are based on a single point of view presentation unless otherwise stated by the prompt. The original discussion instruction called for only one fully supported opinion discussion within 3 body paragraphs. No less than 3 body paragraphs, as support for your opinion. That is what you should have presented instead of 2 paragraphs only.

Writing more than 250 words is not advisable for an ESL student for the reason that you will have written so many words that you will not have allotted more time to the review, editing, and perfecting of the content of your essay. You do not need a wordy essay, you need an understandable essay. Focus less on writing more than 250 words and more on the quality and content of your writing. That is also the best way to avoid the numerous grammatical errors on your part. The shorter but informative your complex sentence / paragraph is, the better off your score will be.

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