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The funds are being exhausted un-necessarily, by the government - on the arts. IELTS Writing Task 2


mayanknitc 1 / -  
Aug 26, 2017   #1
IELTS Writing Task 2: Essay Writing- Review and suggest the band score

Here is the topic
"Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"


money on arts is wasted?



Response:

It is thought by some that the funds are being exhausted un-necessarily, on the arts, by the government and that this amount can be utilized in a much better way in other avenues. In my opinion, although it's important to promote the arts and, therefore, investing in it is definitely required, excessive spending on arts is counter-effective and that this amount can be better used in other areas.

On the one hand, it's imperative for the government to promote the arts and make sure that it has sufficient funds available to do so. Promoting arts and investing in it serves a number of purposes. Firstly, art is considered to be a matter of national pride and one's self-esteem and, it is closely linked to a nation's cultural heritage; investing in art, therefore, can give a boost to a nation's image. Secondly, a lot of creativity and imagination is required to develop the art. These are the important parameters that enhance the skills of an individual and may have a lasting effect. Lastly, investment made in the arts may result in the source of revenue for a nation which can be used for nation building and other development activities. A nation with rich cultural heritage and strong foundation in art can be attractive to the tourists from all over the world.

On the other hand, the funds exhausted in developing and promoting the arts, can be better utilized on other areas that may have a direct and lasting impact on a nation's well-being. For example, the money can be spent on developing the infrastructure and technology, promoting the educational programs, building the cost-effective healthcare program, etc. This would ensure the nation's progress and people will be able to live more fulfilled and satisfactory lives.

In conclusion, although it is really important to put enough emphasis on the promotion of the arts, thereby investing in it appropriately, a significantly larger proportion of the fund must be made available to those areas that will have a direct impact on a nation's progress, people's well-being, and their standard of life. It does not make a lot of sense to keep investing in arts when people don't have an access to basic infrastructure and facilities.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Aug 27, 2017   #2
Mayank, while this is an opinion paper essay, the type of opinion you must discuss is clearly indicated in the prompt instructions. Your line of reasoning must be along the lines of either an agreement or disagreement with the opinion indicated in the original statement. The paraphrasing prompt that you developed for your response essay doesn't follow the original instructions. You do not indicate an agreement or disagreement with the given statement as indicated by the instruction sentence at the end of the original prompt. Therefore, you are not discussing the essay in the manner required and this essay will be considered to be either unresponsive to the prompt requirements or barely discussing a topic related to the task. The only score for this essay will be anywhere between a 2 and a 3. The final score will be dependent upon the other considerations the examiner may have regarding your work.

Your opening statement, by the way, is a very long run-on sentence that needs to be divided into at least 2 more sentences. Dividing the long sentences would have at least created the 3 sentence minimum requirement for the essay. However, since you did not discuss the correct topic, that is moot and academic at this point.


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