to be a businesswoman
In my opinion, everyone all has a dream and so do I. In fact, I want to be a businesswoman and set up my own company. To make my dream come true, I feel I've done a few things. Firstly, I think I studied quite hard and always put a lot effort into studying. In addition, finding new things to learn and revising learned things are my personality. Secondly, I like reading books, especially economic books and science fiction books. Also, there are some tips in doing your best anywhere and make things as perfectly as I can. Last but not least, I helped my friends when they got trouble. Everything is not as important as your family and your friends. I think family is the thing that I must protect and love but friends, they are people who can help me on the way to develop myself to become my best version and make the company always stand better on its own. Clearly, there are too many things I haven't done yet to make my dream come true but confident, trust myself, internalize and choose the best way for me to make my dream - to be a businesswoman become true.
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Since the question is just "What you want to be in the future", an opinion statement is not required. There is no need to reference "In my opinion" because that is not was is being asked in the prompt. The current statement misleads the reader into believing that this is an opinion presentation when it is not. It is a mere general idea discussion topic.
It is useless to refer to "I think" in an essay that asks for preciseness in the information presentation. What have you done to make your dream come true? The response should be "To make my dream come true, I have done the following. I have studied..."
Sadly, the writer has not done anything to make the dream come true in reference to becoming a businesswoman. While she has made preparations to become a better person, there is no move done to prove an early exposure to business that would prove the writer is preparing to enter the business world either through formal studies or personal experience.
I think this is not a substantial argument made to answer the given question. You have only used basic language to imply your answer and that isnt very effective
Clearly, there are too many (...)
There are too many things I still need to do to make my dream come true, but confidence, trust in myself, internalization, and choosing the best way to make my dream - to be a businesswoman come true.