Topic: Due to the advancement in computer technology the trend of working from home will bring a dramatic change to peoples's lives. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion.
your opinion on working remotely
Ans: The technological improvement in computer has brought up a significant change in our daily life, giving the opportunity to accomplish enormous works staying just at home. Consequently, it is expected that this tendency will bring an unimaginable change in our future life. Though, in overall, this opportunity will have good as well as bad effects on human's life, however I strongly believe that advantageous sides will overweigh the disadvantageous sides in this case.
From its' born in previous century, computer technology has been changing our life in various ways. We can now conduct our business from anywhere instead of having a meeting with clients physically. In this era, when computer technology has eased our life incredibly, we need not to sit on our official desk to control and operate the official task. The positive sides which are being extracted from this tendency are - saving our valuable time, reducing the transportation cost, reducing the office time traffic congestion - as people can reach to the office physically at time when he wants, and so on. Most importantly, it will reduce our physical efforts.
Admittedly, the advantageous events of the future life changes for technological improvements of computer are lucidly noticeable, however there will have some serious negative issues also. As it will be the reason of the reduction of physical activities, it may create dangerous health issues, such as overweight problem with high obesity, heart disease, blood cholesterol increment, melancholiness and frustration - as it will be the reason of loneliness.
In conclusion, this technological changes would make our life more comfortable, while we might suffer some significant health problem, which could reduce our average life expectancy eventually.
Totally, your idea is clear. But you have a little bit of mistake about using comma like:
Correction: ...however, I strongly....
Sorry, I'm a beginer so that's all my help.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,205 3646
Pronob, You did a great job in presenting the Task Accuracy requirements of the first paragraph. It strictly adheres to the given topic and clearly highlights the discussion instruction in an original way. This good opening paragraph will definitely set your scoring quest on the right track. You will get a passing score if you can present your prompt paraphrase in this manner during the actual test.
You do have some grammar problems that will cause the pulling down of your final score though. For example, you used the term "melancholiness", which is not a word that exists in the dictionary. The term that does exists in the dictionary is melancholies. Spelling mistakes will cause LR scoring reductions.
Your first reasoning paragraph will also cause a C&C reduction due to the existence of discussion topics, but no actual discussion development or explanations are presented. All these reasoning paragraphs need only 1 topic per paragraph. Properly explain the reasoning and use supporting information to establish the validity of your discussion. Don't just keep giving reasons without explanations.
The last paragraph should only be a discussion summary, it should not add a new topic for discussion because that creates a open ended essay. You have to properly summarize the discussion using the original topic, your reasoning topic sentences, and finally, a closing sentence to properly summarize your presentation. What you did, presenting health considerations at the very end of the essay created an open ended essay that would have reduced your TA score to a certain degree.