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"My future job" - revise an essay; I allways want to be a designer


Korh 1 / -  
Sep 28, 2009   #1
Hi all,
I'm Vietnamese and i have some problem with writting an essay.I don't know how to write an essay and my vocabulary is bad.

Can you help me, please?
I need some essay at topic:family,your dream,environment,education and others.I have an essay ,please find the error in the essays and revise for their?Okie?

My future job

I allways want to be a designer.When i was small,i've dreamed about limelight,the fashon show and beautiful models who wear nice dresses or clothes-the suit was designed by me.I love drawwing or things relate to art.My father is a teacher but in the pass,he was a painter.He draw very well and i love his pictures.So that,I have the ability to draw very nice.I have a creative mind and i also enjoy the creative.I allways want to creat something of mind.And i know that something is the clothes.I love fashion and my favourite television is FASHON TV.It's a interesting chanel!!

Being a designer is not easy but i'll try my best.I hope i'll because i believe in my ability!

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 28, 2009   #2
First, space your punctuation properly. See just about any other post on these forums to see how to do that. Then, think of a narrative incident, something from your experience, that you can use to show, rather than tell, your love of fashion. Then repost.
tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Sep 30, 2009   #3
Hi,

I'm Vietnamese, too. There are some errors in your paragraph (can't say it's an essay). I think you should define the purpose of your essay, re-organize it, then re-write it.

Here are errors:

1. fashon show , fashion show

2. drawwing , drawing

3. End a sentence with a dot and start a new one with a space. Eg: ...be a designer.When i was ... , ...designer. When ...

4. allways , always

5. creat , create

6. my favourite television , my favourite television show

Still more ...

I think you should read more newspapers in English to improve your vocabulary & read some writing books to know how to organize an essay.

Hope this help,

Tuan.
khoctham 6 / 12  
Oct 2, 2009   #4
hi, that is great that 3 vietnamese met on this topic. i obsolutely agree with mr tuan that this is not an essay, it seems like a paragraph.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 2, 2009   #5
Also, there is no excuse for making really obvious spelling mistakes. Run your work through a spellchecker, which will at least fix errors such as "fashon" and "allways."


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