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Gap-related problems between the poor and the rich and consequences - IELTS Task 2 essay

Apr 12, 2019   #1
The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address the problems?

time and money needed to implement proper solutions

The ever-growing gap between the well-off and the deprived has received innumerable attention over the last few decades as this burning issue has given rise to unresolved matters. However, there are several viable methods to consider when dealing with this situation.

There are a few problems arising when it comes to the gap-stretching surge between these 2 types of people in society. First and foremost, it can be seen that social inequality may come into being due to the huge gap. There are a great deal of cases in which children, whose parents can afford better living standard and studying condition, express their bad behaviour towards the less wealthy ones just because of their inferior backgrounds. This leads to the lack of confidence among poorer children and the feeling of anxiety and depression when stepping into schools. Furthermore, it is inevitable that the rate of crime would definitely accelerate as a matter of fact. The reason of it lies in the fact that some people may commit crimes when they are unable to earn enough for their living. As a result, national security will have to put more burden on governments and local authorities in dealing with those offenders.

However, some optimized methods can be utilized with a view to restricting this matter. Firstly, it is of pivotal importance for governments and relevant agencies to introduce new policies which provide assistance to impoverished individuals. To be more specific, not only should tax be reduced on people with modest average income but local authorities also encourage the private businesses to join hands in financial assistance to help the families with less well-off backgrounds. In addition, enhancing economic development particularly in remote areas and the regions in which people are suffering natural disasters on a regular basis should be prioritized.

To conclude, it is clear that gap-related problems between the poor and the rich is soaring and triggering unwanted consequences; however, those matters may need more time and money to be tackled with suggested methods.

Maria [Contributor] - / 135 79  
Apr 12, 2019   #2
I think that your sentence construction is better than most. Kudos! However, I do also have a couple of key recommendations which I believe will benefit you especially because of the nature of the IELTS exams.

Firstly, I highly suggest that you optimize your usage of space (word count) in your essay. There are various ways to go about this, but my favorite method is through ensuring that I omit words that do not have a specific function that contributes something special to the essay itself.

Let's look at your second paragraph. I could revise it instead as:
There are problems arising from the surge of gaps between two types of people in society.
See how I had omitted words and moved around the phrasing and the construction of the sentence to maximize the space? Notice how I did not necessarily change the content or meaning of the essay - rather I just opted to use a structure that is less complex. This is vital especially when you need to introduce so many concepts in a limited word count. Apply this to the rest of your essay.

Secondly, I would also recommend that you find better ways to transition your essay. You had mostly used words like firstly, first and foremost, furthermore, etc. While these are great and basic transitions, you can also omit them and instead use phrasing of words to move from one line to another. This can also help your essay become more professional in its overall structure.

Watch out for these two comments, and I think you're doing great already. Best of luck.
OP traviekingston96 1 / 1  
Apr 13, 2019   #3
@Maria I completely side with your advice and comment , maybe I had better take a look at my essay more carefully in advance . By the way, people advise me to spend a couple of minutes to paraphrase my essay so that it will be better , do you think that is a good idea?

thank you again and have a nice day !

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