Today, a word "gap year" is very popular among young generation, it means we take time out to travel between different life stages,thousand of people are taking gap years all over the world.
I don't understand what you mean by the part which I have highlighted in bold letters.... Your idea does not come right :(
I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages for their reference.
It's better if you replace this sentence with a statement that tells the reader what sort of view you hold. That would be something the reader would want to know....
you may have chance to be in touch with people
, I would like to support young people to have their gap year between high school and university based on above discussion.
This does not reveal which way you support. I think you need to explain this stance more clearly.
I feel you need to pay more attention to the required essay structure for this task... You display a great potential for improvement and with practice you can go for a real good score : )