GAP YEAR could be a huge asset if used for proper activities - IELTS

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

stepping out of academic treadmill

Taking a year off before starting college is no longer a common occurrence among Western countries but is gaining popularity in other parts of the world. Delaying college studies obviously bring about tremendous benefits while on the contrary its drawbacks are notable.

On the one hand, stepping out of academic treadmill would give students certain advantages. Firstly, this helps them ameliorate a sense of academic burnout. By travelling and discovering contrasting way of life rather than their own, or pursue a passion, students can unwind, take a hard look at their habits and assess the feasibility of their goals. In addition, being exposed to divergent cultures could also broaden their horizons, aid emotional maturity prior to transitioning to college. Secondly, deepening one's professional awareness is crucial to ensure not making wrong choices. The fact that students switch their field of study several times during the course of their study not only put more strain on their supporter's pocket but also is considered a huge waste of time and effort. Knowing what suits one best is better than chasing unattainable dreams due to incompetence

On the other hand, lazing around without a thorough plan is root of potential downsides. For those who postpone the difficulties of college, being free for a whole year could result in involving in binge drinking and other self-destructive behaviors. The startling consequence may be losing their hard-earned study skills that ends up in being reluctant to dive back to school.

In conclusion, taking a gap year in terms of engaging in meaningful activities could be a huge asset while self-indulgence could backfire and trigger unpleasant experience, in the worst case not go back to school.

The disadvantage paragraph is sort of less, maybe say something like people, who don't make a good schedule instead they just wander in Gap Year, are stupid and waste their life.

@ERIC SUNG

Hi Sung: thanks for your comment. I think it kindda of short too but don't know how to add more ideas haha

Kenzin, you need to make sure that you present an equal amount of reasons within your paragraphs. That means, if you present 2 reasons for the advantage, then present 2 reasons for the disadvantage as well. Do not place the 2 ideas in the same paragraph as each paragraph should only discuss one reason in a complete form. 2 ideas means you have to present 2 individual paragraphs for the ideas. Since you have a maximum of 5 paragraphs, composed of 5 sentences each, you should only present one advantage and one disadvantage idea because the first paragraph will be the introduction and the last paragraph will be the summarized conclusion. In order to meet the minimum sentence requirements, please make sure that you present at least 3 sentences in every paragraph. You have only 2 sentences in the introduction only 1 in the conclusion, which will result in a mark down of your paper.

I would also say that the essay above does not have a proper balance idea and number of words in each paragraph.
In my opinion the vocabularies are quite strong.

@Holt: you mentioned that "n order to meet the minimum sentence requirements, please make sure that you present at least 3 sentences in every paragraph. You have only 2 sentences in the introduction only 1 in the conclusion, which will result in a mark down of your paper."

=> I would say that the opening usually should be short, 2 sentences is acceptable. Three can be a bit lengthy in some cases.