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[IELTS WRITING TASK 2]: A gap year between school and university


haotran 2 / 6 1  
Aug 30, 2017   #1
The topic: Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while
others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.


My answer:

a gap year - is it a good idea or not?



Nowadays, there is an accelerating trend of taking a gap year amongst young people. However, whether it benefits students or not has caused a heated debate and I will discuss these both sides now.

On the one hand, going on a gap year may be unsafe for young people. This is because they are still immature person who do not have enough essential knowledge as well as strong nerves to dealt with problematic situation like kid napping or robbing. Moreover, some students without physical strength may be overwhelmed by harsh working conditions. Another issue against taking a gap year is the financial problem. The cost of travelling as well as accommodation is indeed noticeable so that students have to pay a large amount of money which is mainly from their parent's budget.

On the other hand, it is obvious that for most students, the main purpose of going on a gap year is to acquire more actual experiences as well as soft skills which are barely gained at school. This is because these fruits may result in success in the future career of students who will enter the workplace and earn a living. Moreover, taking a gap year can also benefit the society. For example, many young people join voluntary campaign for undeveloped countries, especially those in Africa, to support the residents there. This action is not only a chance for students to experience real-life difficulties but also a rewarding contribution to improve the low living condition of poor people in other nations.

In conclusion, I feel that it is very useful to go on a gap year because of the benefits it brings to students and maybe the society. Meanwhile, this should be done with careful plan to avoid risks that may happen.

Thank you for reading my essay, please give me some comments and the score for this. ^^

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Aug 30, 2017   #2
Tran, your paraphrase is a bit short on the required sentence count. You should have divided the presentation into individual sentences that would have helped you meet the minimum word count. This could have been accomplished by presenting each side of the discussion as an individual sentence rather than a collective representation as you did in this essay.

The presentation of your discussion is lacking. You discussed both sides of the issue as evidenced in the two body paragraphs in the essay, but there was no representation of your personal opinion. This was supposed to be the third paragraph in the presentation before your concluding remarks. With that missing paragraph, the essay may not be good enough to gain a passing score. The TA section of the essay will be severely affected in terms of scoring.

By the way, double check the English words that you use. The correct term is "kidnapping" (one word) and "robbery" ( the act of being robbed. Robbing is the action the criminal is doing.)
nhantran 1 / 4 1  
Aug 30, 2017   #3
I'm quite confused with some words. I'm not sure but you can check once again.
1."whether it benefits students or not.... has caused," i think there is a missing word there.
2."This is because they are still immature person" i though it should be "people"
3. "especially those in Africa, to support the residents there "
If I'm wrong, please disregard this comment
minhphuc - / 1  
Aug 30, 2017   #4
Hellp hao,

In my opinion, you should change your introduction to be open.

for example: Young people always want to be success so they consistently try new things so sometimes they learn sometimes win, there is an accelerating trend of taking a gap year amongst young people. However, whether it benefits students or not has caused a heated debate and I will discuss these both sides now.

I hope it can help you

Minh Phuc
Eve0309 3 / 5  
Sep 4, 2017   #5
Hello hao

You might have to change your introduction because it seems like a little bit short, and I also get confused in your conclusion because you did not mention the

point that you wrote before. Also, it is very important to check your words before submit the essay.

Ps: sorry for the short comment because I am also trying to pass the test and still learning the writing skill :))


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