Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS; Gender Vs Career - Why some jobs are done by men and others by women/


ntdang92 3 / 2  
Aug 8, 2013   #1
Men and women are different in terms of charateristics and abilities . For this reason , some jobs are done by men and others by women

From past to now, we have witnessed the differences among personalities and capacity of men and women. It is true that one of the most important issues that many people of today society are very concerned for is the gender roles in work. In this essay, I totally claim that all jobs are equal for both males and females.

Initially, gender discrimination has been eliminated in our modern life, and this is right in job. In the past, women certainly have to do menial or daunting tasks, for example housework or must devote time to caring the children. Whereas, en can have sufficient time to do their work in companies. But this is completely changed today. More specifically, plenty of business sectors have attempted to create gender-fair environment. Indra Nooyi, who is PepsiCo's general manager, is a salient example of female's abilities. This means that women can do great job similar to men; indeed, the former is not treated secondary to the later.

Equally importantly, I would content that the appearance of both males and females in a workplace can generate working motivation. In a fast-track scheme of every corporation, men can master new skills from women, or reverse. For instance, most of companies have both males and females staffs to do their enormous workload. Interacting with other colleagues who have other sex can inspire workers work more efficiently, and in some situation, this inspiration may help them to move up the ladder. We can imagine a boring and humdrum job whether there are only men or women in a workplace.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that all jobs can be done well by both males and females.

posdream 4 / 12 5  
Aug 9, 2013   #2
Here are my corrections.

From past to now....Recently
Initially...currently
Women certainly have to do menial jobs...women are confined into chores
Equally importantly...Incorrect grammar
By way of conclusion...In conclusion
Ibrahim_Xian 6 / 9 6  
Aug 9, 2013   #3
I once again reaffirm my position that all jobs can be done well by both males and females.
sepideh_dodaran 2 / 4 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #4
Dear ntdang, your text was pretty good. you used so many good phrases and expressions. I am not very good at english but I write down the points that came to my mind. firstly, I want to tell you to pay more attention to your conclusion.

From past to now

I do not know but it does not sound good to me. may be you can use "during our lives" or " in the last decades"

this is right in job

instead of this you can use " and this can be generalized to their professional lives"

women certainly have to do

" had to do" you should use past time or it is better to say " used to do"

caring the children

" caring her children" by using a pronoun it looks like you make an interconnection between these two part of the sentence. once my teacher told me that it is really good by using apropriate proouns on conjunctions you make a relation between the parts of your context. also it is better to say " bring her children up"

Whereas, en can have sufficient time

you can say " they could spend their time to both their family and career", pay attention to the tense of your sentence

Equally importantly

it does not sound gramatically correct for me, I do not know why, may be because you wrote two adverbs following each other. you can say " last but not the least point is..."

I wrote for the same topic too. I would be happy to get your oppinion.

Thank you very much.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 11, 2013   #5
From past to now, we have witnessed the differences among personalities and capacity of men and women

...try to align this more with your topic;
From the past to now, we have witnessed the differences between the job roles performed by men and women.

In this essay, I totally claim that all jobs are equal for both males and females.

... I totally believe / I claim that
In my view, I support the idea that there cannot be any differences between males and females in their capacity of performing certain job roles.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS; Gender Vs Career - Why some jobs are done by men and others by women/