It would have been nice if you provided the prompt for this essay so that I can review it based upon the requirements of the prompt. Just the same, I can tell that you have given a lot of thought to what you want to say in relation to the role of women and how it has changed over the past 20 years. Your opinion about how the change in the role of women in the modern world has affected families and society is quite solid and understandable. Your reasoning is sound and logical but still has room for further development if you have the space in your word count to do so. There are also some grammatical and punctuation errors that you should pay attention to. I have listed these important revisions and other advice as follows:
The position of women has changed markedly in the last 20 years..
- You can further expand this sentence by adding the question posed by the essay prompt as a statement. Then offering an idea of your position on the issue and informing the reader that you will discuss your reasons further in the next paragraphs.
As the world evolves, changes
and behavior of people also become different from past to present.
-... changes in
is the gender equality.
- An example of this can be seen in
are the homemaker and the society did not acknowledge d their worth but now communities are open and believe d that women can also do jobs like what men do es .
- Before women were the homemakers
... their worth.But
now... believe that women can do the same jobs as men.
- Nowadays, women still work even though they are married and have a family. Sometimes they do this because they need to augment their family income or they want to help provide a better life and education for their children. Other times, it is simply because a woman is career minded.
-I believe that mothers want to have a comfortable life and help to provide for their family. But sometimes they forget that their children need their love and affection. In such instances, children suffer because their mothers are focused on improving their family life instead of raising and bonding with their children.
- Lack of motherly guidance is blamed for the rise in misguided children because these children receive less attention from their parents. Although, some stay at home mothers still end up neglecting their important role in child rearing, which results in juvenile delinquency
- Therefore, I do not believe that working mothers should receive all the blame for the misconduct of their children. Child rearing requires 2 parents, a mother and a father, both of whom should balance their roles when it comes to child rearing. The environment the child is raised in also influences the kind of conduct the child develops.
- I therefore conclude that working mothers are not to be blamed for juvenile delinquency. As long as a working mother does her part in helping to discipline and raise her children while helping the family improve their income and status in life, then the child will be raised properly. Young people are responsible for their own actions and are influenced by other forces outside of the influence of their parents. Factors such as peer pressure, and adventurism all play a major role in juvenile delinquency.
Please take note of my suggestions corrections and advice in improving the essay. Try to revise the essay based upon my suggested corrections. It is quite possible that you will see a great improvement in the content of your paper :-)