Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Gender equality at schools controversial topic research


nguyenthibichhan 1 / 1 1  
Aug 18, 2017   #1
An equal number of male and female students in every subject at university

equal rights and options to study



Gender equality has become a controversial topic in a variety of issues including employment, administration, job promotion and even education. When it comes to education, the majority of people insist on the similar student numbers of each gender in college courses. The others claim that students should be given the same educational opportunities regardless of genders. In my opinion, I do not agree with the idea of admitting students into college based on sexes.

Firstly, all students both male and female should be offered the equal opportunities when it comes to university options. In fact, most of the students only find themselves interested in their studies if they literally enjoy what they choose to study. Specifically, many college courses tend to attract one gender more than the others. For instance, most of the male applicants seem to be unfit for nursing courses as they are not able to be patient and careful like women to take care of patients. Therefore, it will be unfair to base admission to university subjects on genders.

Secondly, no one should be excluded or limited to pursue what they enjoy to study at universities. All students should have entitled to access in every subject rather than being equal numbers of genders on every course. In fact, the proportions of students applying for their universities should base on their eligibility instead of genders. By this, I mean students are capable of performing well in what they study if they pursue the right dreams, choose the right majors or set the right goals regardless of sexes. This is why the admission of students into colleges based on male and female has been not encouraged these days.

In conclusion, students should be given equal rights and options to make a decision about what they are passionate about to study. There may be some subjects popular with female applicants but not with the male ones. Besides, students' academic performances do not depend on genders but their own qualifications. Therefore, universities shouldn't set a fixed limit on the proportions of men and women on all college courses

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,577 2488  
Aug 18, 2017   #2
Nguyen, I understand that this is your first IELTS Task 2 practice essay. So you are not familiar at all with the writing requirements of the task yet. Let me set you straight on its requirements then because you currently do not write in the manner required of the task.

The first paragraph is used to outline the topic for discussion. This outline is based on the original prompt information and requires you to only paraphrase or restate the given information in your own words. This includes the instructions for discussion presented as the thesis statement at the end of the 5 sentence paragraph. No full discussion of information is required. You are also expected to limit your paraphrasing to only the material provided. So expanding the discussion to make reference to workplace and other related information is considered a prompt deviation. In your next practice test, just expand the discussion based solely on the provided information.By the way, you are required to provide us with the original prompt or discussion requirements along with your response essay for analysis purposes. Please don't forget to do that next time.

Another reminder, the concluding paragraph of the essay must never continue the discussion of the given topic. That is because the concluding statement is required to only do what the opening statement asked you to do as a recap. Meaning to say, you must again summarize the discussion topic, give a run down or summary of the details of the discussion, then repeat your opinion or any final information as required by the essay.

A personal opinion is always a stand alone paragraph that comes as the 4th paragraph in a 2 points of view plus personal opinion discussion essay. It is never a part of the conclusion as your point of view requires a thorough discussion development, just like the previous paragraph discussions.

The essay that you wrote is good. Your first 2 body paragraphs are well developed, discussed, and represented. It shows a clear analysis being performed regarding the given topic. You also have some acceptable English grammar and vocabulary skills. However, I cannot judge its prompt responsiveness and accuracy as you did not provide the prompt instructions along with your essay. The review I gave above is enough to help you get your next essay back on track though. Take note of the general comments as it applies to your next practice test.

I look forward to reading your next practice test along with its original prompt. Don't bother to post the prompt after my discussion for this essay because an official review can only be given once for every thread in this forum.
OP nguyenthibichhan 1 / 1 1  
Aug 18, 2017   #3
Thank you so much for your help.
I'll keep what you said in mind and try to follow the writing requirements of the task


Home / Writing Feedback / Gender equality at schools controversial topic research