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Gender imbalance in classes is still proved to be acceptable


yaiba24 1 / 3  
Jan 25, 2011   #1
The issue whether universities should balance the number of male and female students or not remains controversial. Some claim that students are bestowed on benefits if the numbers of men and women are equivalent while others support the opposite idea. I am totally persuaded by the latter.

Proponents of the former argue that equal quantity of male and female students has positive impacts on students' thinking. Every one has the same status and privilege, avoiding the gender discrimination. However, it is proved to be flawed when it comes to the concept of discrimination. Universities should choose worthy students according to their performance and competence instead of their sex. What if a student with accumulative knowledge and remarkable achievements is refused just on account of her sex? It again raises a question of unfairness and discrimination, definitely.

Another idea in favour of equal quantity of male and female students is that after a long epoch of women's liberty movements, women now have the equal and equitable right in comparison with men's, say, in education. Nonetheless, hardly can we witness a gender balance in all classes or subjects. What is the nature of this issue? It is palpable that there are some certain subjects which male or female students can explore and develop their strengths as well as talents. To illustrate, men can dive in the world of natural science, IT and the like whereas women may find their imaginations fly away in immortal masterpieces of Picasso or Tolstoy. Therefore, is it fair and plausible when skipping students' quality and true desire in virtue of harmonizing the gender balance?

When all is said and done, after having insights into the problem, gender imbalance in classes is still proved to be acceptable. The fact that we should evaluate a student by his capability needs to be taken into consideration instead.
aspasiakor 2 / 8  
Jan 26, 2011   #2
hi yaiba24. i assume you are preparing foe ielts exams, the same as me. well eventhoght english is not my native language i will try correct some issues i have spotted in your essay.

first of all i find your intro wery good. after i ve noticed that in your first sentence you write:male and female students has positive impacts on students' thinking.what do you mean by that? you dont explain it.

also i believe this sentence has a syntax error.women now have the equal and equitable right in comparison with men's, say, in education.

finally, its not good starting a sentence with WHEN. you should avoid that. you could start like this: in conclusion or on balance or finally or in sum or taking everything into consideration i tend to...

i hope i have helped, ohhhhhhh i find your vocabulary reach, keep it up

aspa
OP yaiba24 1 / 3  
Jan 28, 2011   #3
well, first of all, I'd like to thank you so much^^
I'm gonna to sit an Ielts exam in March, so your comments are really highly appreciated
Actually, for the first sentence in para.1, I explained it in the next sent. The impact here is to avoid gender discrimination. However, maybe this sentence is not clear enough for readers hihi.

The sentence quoted, I reconsider it but realize nothing wrong, plz show me the mistake there! I compared the women's right and men's and took the eg. in education.

Thanks!
Good day!
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 1, 2011   #4
This part should be simpler:
Some claim that students are bestowed on benefits if the numbers of men and women are equivalent while other s support the opposite idea.
Some claim that students are bestowed on benefits if benefit when the numbers of men and women are equivalent while others claim that (give the other argument here).

In that sentence, you should refer to the general argument made by each side.

And here: I am totally persuaded by the latter. Again, instead of just saying which side you are on, try to refer to the argument by expressing the general idea behind it.

Like this:
Some claim that it is necessary to ensure that both genders are represented equally, while others claim that gender should not be a factor in determining anyone's admission. I am totally persuaded by the latter argument, because I believe that achievement should determine admission.

You write beautifully! And I agree with your argument. ;-)


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