task 2 essay : Gender Inequality Aspect In The Professional Zone

question : Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. It is right to exclude males and female from certain profession because of their gender

Professional Equality between women and Men

In a naturally way, it is believed that between women and men are having gaps which relate with many social problems as occupation, equality, privilege and so on. Although we are in 21st century and the differents are not so great obvious. But we aslo have to recognize that a few definite careers are obligating or eliminating about their gender.

In my opinion I think the exception because of there are having some main reasons existing in family and society aslo about physique and spiritualness.

Regarding biologically, women are apparently considered weaker than men. Normally, they are borned in order to believed that they deserve to receive protection from the other gender. Hence in a few hard jobs, women are not healthy enough to make it as the process of training in the military. Even though the women's role in army are worth to admit but the number of women serving in the military is limited. The policy of the government is preferable to men. And probably the women's duty are tied with housework and childcare which are evaluated higher than other works. In family they are nurtured to be able to become a perfect wife, they are affected from their parents. Most of family, the mother will be a person who look after them and cook the food for them and the father will be a person who go out to earn money. They tend to be close to mom and admire to dad. At school, they are taught that they should become a girly person.

In terms of psychology, the women's character are too soft-hearted to decide on serious problem. They are not tough enough to be easy make and accomplish vital decisions. Most of women are honest and gentle person and have a heart full of love. Therefore their thinking are simpler than men but their feeling are complex than men. Besides their actions mostly depend on emotion. Their attitude come from mood which is momentary and too easy to change. Women are easy to cry and often use intuition and heart to solve the problems they encouter. Instead of using the head to think and analyze the problem as men, women are frequently dominated by heart. In addition, they have special traits are too sensitive and effortless to forgive others what in life situations are good but in a lot of works are not effective and can lead to bad consequences. Whereas there are a few certain professions demand high discipline, strict rules, assertiveness, etc. Women are not powerful enough to convince and make others trust them especially in high position athough they all have the capacity. Obviously in the US presidential election Hillary Clinton could not win before Donald Trum to become the 45th president of the United States.

Nowadays, when the exclusion of science and technology is not limited. Human are in the 4th industrial revolution with the development of artificial intelligence. But nothing can substitute for humanity and the different between women and men about strengths and weaknesses is undeniable. So it is suitable, necessary and accurate to exclude male and females in demand of occupation.

thanks for reading it.

n a naturally (natural) way, it is ... which relate with (relate to) many ...
Although we are in 21st (the 21st) century and the differents (differences) are ... But we aslo (also) have to ...

In my opinion (opinion,) I think ...

Those are my very comments. Sorry.

Nguyen, please remember to post the complete original prompt next time and not just the topic for discussion. I need to know what the instructions for the discussion is so that I can create a proper assessment of your essay. At the moment though, even without the original prompt, I can tell you that this is a highly problematic essay that would not get a passing score as an actual test essay.

The first problem is with your opening statement. You did not deliver a simple paraphrase of the original prompt and instructions. Unfortunately, I cannot show you a proper example of this prompt since you did not upload all of the requirements I require for that part of the review. By the way, you are not supposed to separate your opinion from the paraphrase statement. You also should not deliver a partial discussion of the prompt in that area either. A simple implied opinion is all that is required.

You over discussed the body of paragraphs. There are only supposed to be a maximum of 5 sentences in each paragraph. Believe me, with the time allotted and the review, editing, and finalizing of the content that needs to be done, the 5 sentence maximum is more than sufficient for the reasoning and example portion of the essay.

Your concluding sentence is also wrong. Rather than summarizing the previous discussion as required by the format, you continued the discussion then just stopped talking. That is not how you write a proper conclusion.

If you want to learn how to properly write a Task 2 essay, I recommend that you review the other practice essays of the other exam takers here. They have previously been given advice that you might find useful as you continue to practice Task 2 essay writing prompts.

There are few sentence construction which I would like to recommend:

1st paragraph:
In a naturally way, ... that between women ... relate with to many social ...

Although we are in the 21st century and the differents differences are ...
In my opinion , I think the exception ...and society aslo also about physique.....

2nd paragraph:
Normally, they are borned in order to believed that they ...
Hence , in a few ...
... women's duty are is tied with ...
Most of the family, ... who looks after them ... person who goes out ...

3rd paragraph:-
... women's character are is too ...
... be easy to make and ...
Therefore , their thinking are is simpler than men , but ...
Their attitude comes from mood ...
... situations are good , but in a lot of works are not ...

@Holt
thank you so much . I really appreciate your advice. Wish you have a great time.

Merged:

gender inequality in work - essay task 2

Naturally, people are believed that women and men have always been differences in the kinds of work they have done. Although nowaday we are in the 21st century, people are living a great freedom both men and women are chosen employment freely. But in my view, it is already necessary elimination about gender problem in a few professional careers, especially exclusion of women in some occupations.

Frist of all, women are apparently considered ...

The second reason is women's character exist weeknesses that's why it is not appropriate to be able to give accurate decisions on serious problems. Most of women are honest and gentle person, have a heart full of love and too soft-hearted so that they are not tough enough to easy perform and accomplish vital decisions. On the other hand, their actions mostly depend on emotion that's momentary and easy to change therefore instead of using the head to think and analyze the problem as men, women are frequently dominated by emotion of the heart. Whereas there are a few certain professions demand high discipline, strict rules, assertiveness, etc..women are too sensitive and effortless to forgive others what in life situations are good but in work are not effective and can lead to bad consequences. Obviously in the US presidential ...

The issues of the gender equality is being considered and gradually improved, the women's role is increasingly appreciated but in order to ensure quality as well as efficiency in work, gender exclusion is absolutely indispensable from some professions.

i have read all comments carefully then i have decided to adjust my first essay. I know my essay still contains a lot of mistakes, therefore i really expect the frank opinions from everybody so much. Thanks by all of my gratitude !!

Hi here are some points that are not interesting for me.
in your first paragraph first and second live are really confusing for me i feel they lack some grammatical points. there are vague points for me as a reviewer.

especially in two points (believed and differences) in the first line
and living a great freedom in second line.

Some spelling mistakes
For example
Although nowadays we are ...
Frist of all First?
Aim for long sentences. Normally, they are raised ... other genderand therefore in a few ...

Lack of punctuation
... worth to admit, but ...

why it isnot appropriate inappropriate? avoid using not, try to come up with the right antonym for a certain word instead